The one I'd finished disappeared. Fortunately I saved most of it.


A tiny bit of what she looks like would help me picture her. 'She brushed her black bangs from her eyes as she entered her tiny house' or 'Flipping her long, wavy hair back over her shoulder' 'her short, brunette hair stuck to her skin from the heat'...tht sort of thing.

In the first paragraph you start to switch tenses to past to present.-It is(was) peaceful, quiet--Her favorites are (were) the daffodils iris grow wild (since they are names, do they need capitals?-- do is(was) sit in front of the TV - coziest places she has (had) ever -killed more than once is(was) now touching the ceiling. I'm not going to do all of them through out, maybe you have the hang of it now.

the only bedroom in the house -this is implied. You could at the first mention of it being a small house is say, 'It was so small it only had one bedroom.

'If you look(looked) from the dining area'--are you talking to the reader again? You could say 'If she looked from...)

When showing internal thought or mental communication, I often put apostrophe and use italics. She thought to herself, 'Maybe I take my job too seriously.' It wont italicize here.

The alcohol hits her fast and hard when she is extremely stressed. Being a computer programmer sometimes gets stressful. It’s like beating your head against the wall and when you leave you don’t feel like you have gotten anything productive done except go around and around in circles, the same circle! -The first sentence sounds almost like stage directions and the rest is like she is talking to the audience again. Telling not 'showing'.

and go to the beer next this afternoon.--If the wine is hitting her this hard, why would she drink more booze and a different kind which can be worse? Wouldn't she think the wine had been spiked?

If she is off work, then instead of afternoon it would be evening wouldn't it? Those mistakes can yank a reader out of the story.

In the paragraph 'She sat and watched-you have too many she's. I know it's hard but you have to try to use other identifiers, especially at the beginning of a sentence. -- It was hard to think but Elizabeth also needed to decide what she was going to get her father for his birthday next month.

Her symptoms are getting worse yet she drinks more. Knowing she has to cook, and could fall, why would she?

hold her head up. Her head was so heavy she slid down and laid her head on the back --you have 'head' three times very close together. 'hold her head up. It was so heavy she slid down and laid it on the back of...'

slight prick on her arm and everything went black.-- It takes a few seconds. Instead of going black again..'slight prick on her arm. Had someone just given her an injection? Within seconds the room faded out to nothingness.

So hazy, everything was a complete haze in her head. --change one 'hazy/haze' to another word.

She tried to roll over-She needs to realize she's no longer in the chair before she tries to roll over.

mahogany Vladimir Kagan designed chest--She's still feeling drugged, would she really be thinking clearly enough to name the designer and all of the other details, like the kind of fabric? ?
she looked to the left and the same man that walked into her living room--she didn't see him clearly so how could she KNOW it was the same man?
----That’s when she felt the slight prick on her arm then everything quickly starting going black again.
She noticed the same window as before on the right. She tried to lift her arm but the rope binding her hands and feet was real or either she was having a bad nightmare. (time of day? )
“Oh God!” She thought, “What a headache.”
That’s when she felt the sting of the needle on her arm again. ----Was this two different times? If so you need to show something that says so. Also you don't mention eating or drinking, she'd be in a coma or dead if there are so many days of being drugged and not even water to keep her alive. Maybe he could give her something to drink sooner? Or let us know it was only a day or two. Also she'd need bathroom and would probably wet herself while knocked out.
Liz nodded,(finally) noticing her binds were gone--since she didn't notice sooner.
Good description in the next part. You may mention having trouble unrolling the paper, or pulling up pants. The redressing would happen before she tried to walk. Depends on what age audience.

one cup of soup in how many days?

Starting off okay. Fix things up and i'll raise the rating. Keep going, it has promise.

love, LinnAnn