Hello!

I found this through the read and review section and really enjoyed it, so I thought I'd leave you with some thoughts.

I thought the sentiment behind this piece was really interesting. It's taking a somewhat mundane experience that a lot of us can relate to and putting deeper meaning behind it. It's a great idea and it only took you a few lines to pull off.

My only suggestion would be that you keep playing with this piece. Since it's so short I think it would be easy to experiment. Maybe play around with the punctuation/formatting, just to see if you can get something a little more powerful. Since this is poetry, I know that grammar doesn't have to adhere to normal rules, but I do think there were some really powerful lines that could have used some more attention, and might have been a little more poignant in more traditionally formatted poetry.

That being said, I enjoyed the piece a lot. It left an instant impression with me and I hope that I get to read more of your work in the future.

All the best,

-Cat









My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .