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Review #4442909
Viewing a review of:
 It was a summer morning  [E]
Here I am trying to use all of my senses to describe a situation in just three paragraphs.
by Eira
Review by Cubby
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*Pumpkin2* Greetings, Eira ! I found your item request, "It was a summer morning" , and decided to review it. *Smile* I do realize, as you stated, this is a practice piece, not a story, so thank you for making that clear to reviewers. *Wink*

         First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. *Smile* Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

Flow/Visuals
         You obviously have writing talent. *Smile* But I would like to offer a suggestion. As I was reading along, I found it a bit wordy. But then again, I know you are experimenting.
         You also asked what stood out visually:
Dark and gloomy in the otherwise peaceful garden, the house stood in a world of its own.
and also
In the distance, a creaking door opened, and the butterflies in the garden flew away.
Great visuals. *Smile*

Punctuation/Grammar
         Your punctuation looks fine to me. *Smile* You might want to consider changing...
strong metal fence
to
sturdy metal fence,
but that is not a correction, just a preference on my part. *Bigsmile*

         *Starb* My favorite...
                             All the way in the back arose a building that, even though it stood so far away, towered over little Daisy.
What I like about this sentence are the words stood...arose...towered... over little Daisy. That is a great visual, and a contrast, not only to the little girl, but the peaceful garden.

*Thumbsup* Nicely written! I hope my suggestions were helpful. *Smile* I'd love for you to continue with this character and her surroundings. It sounds like it could be a page turner! *Bigsmile*

Have a great day and...
*Pumpkin2*  K e e p on W r i t i n g ! *Pumpkin2*
Cubby ")
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