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Review #4451380
Viewing a review of:
 Welcome to the Jungle: Day Six.  [E]
Having survived a ship wreck, our protagonist must survive on the island.
by Solomon
Review by Cubby
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
         *Pumpkin2* Greetings, Solomon ! I found your item, "Welcome to the Jungle: Day Six." , in Random Reviews and decided to review it. *Smile* By the way, Welcome to Writing.com!

         First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. *Smile* Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

My First Impression
         This piqued my interest even though I haven't read Chapters 1 thr 5. Writing through journal entries is something that has always interested me. And readers seem to like it, too, reading entries from the protagonist's point of view. Even children like books with entries such as Diary of a Wimpy Kid among others.

Punctuation/Grammar/Typos
         I found only a few typos you might want to correct:

In Paragraph 2: not to far *Right* not too far
In Paragraph 6: little creature that live *Right* little creatures that live and also without scarring *Right* without scaring
In Paragraph 9: if I go to far *Right* if I go too far and also sain *Right* sane

*Note* I'm pretty confident your typos were only that... typos you just haven't picked up on yet. Very minor, indeed. *Wink*
*Note* You also might want to consider not beginning so many of your paragraphs with the word I, (six out of eleven.) Perhaps in a real journal this could very well happen, but as a book for readers, you might want to mix it up a bit.

Thoughts
         You've set the scene in this entry, Day Six with the protagonist on the island, finding the journal, making weapons and a fishing pole, better shelter, and such, and now you have the reader at the edge of their seat, wondering what's in the jungle and feeling that something big is about to happen that will be yet another challenge, if not danger, to the protagonist. Good job.

         *Starb* My favorite
                             But I feel like that there’s something else in there, something unnatural to the island.
Lines such as this one, hooks the reader into reading further! *Wink*

*Thumbsup* Nicely written! I hope my suggestions were helpful. *Smile*

Have a great day and...
*Pumpkin2*  K e e p on W r i t i n g ! *Pumpkin2*
~Cubby ")
Simply chipmunks SP group signature.


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