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Review #4453111
Viewing a review of:
 Short imagine  [E]
Harry reveals the gender of his and his fiancés baby in the middle of his show
by Margie 16
Review of Short imagine  
Review by Cubby
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
         *Stockingr* Greetings, Margie 16 ! I found your item, "Short imagine" , in Random Reviews and decided to review it. *Smile* And by the way... Welcome to WdC!!! If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask.

         First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. *Smile* Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

My First Impression
         *Bulbb*Your sentences flowed very well and I really enjoyed how you set this up as far as Harry announcing the gender of the baby on stage. Harry's personality almost reminded me of the host on The Hunger Games, Caesar Flickerman. *Smile*

Punctuation/Grammar/Typos
         *Bulbv*The only thing that distracted me was that everything was jammed into one large paragraph. It's possible because you are new, you were unfamiliar with the set up. *Wink* You might want to at least add a line space between paragraphs. But other than that, nothing else really stood out as in need of changes.

Other Suggestions
         *Bulbr* Of course, I'd like to see more! *Bigsmile* You've hooked me and I'd love to continue on reading.

Thoughts/Emotions
         *Bulbo*I felt excited as I read through this, though I wondered how Harry's wife felt about having the gender of her unborn baby announced on stage to the public, even before she herself knew. I liked how you drew it out a bit with Harry slowly ripping the envelope open. Very suspenseful scene! Your visuals were also good. Right towards the end, however, I'm wondering if you really need to state (without alcohol) when you say they went out to celebrate. Unless, of course, there will be an alcohol related incident later on in your story that connects to this. Otherwise, it's most likey unnecessary and you could just omit it. *Smile*

         *Starb* My favorite
                             a wide smile splitting his face in half.
         I love this visual of Harry's smile! This is fantastic.

*Holly1* Nicely written! I hope my suggestions were helpful. *Holly2*

*Candycanep* Have a great day and *Candycanep*
K e e p on W r i t i n g !
~Cubby ")
Animated Simply Positive Christams Tree Signature.


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