There is definitely a very interesting concept here. I think there is scope for both sci-fi and comedy.

However, it is currently confusing for a reader. I tried to figure out the precise reason why I was confused, and I think one reason is definitely the names. If you're using names like 'Banana', it confuses me when I suddenly have to imagine 'Kirk'. I think sticking to food related names might help.

I also felt the piece was too laden with technicalities. This slowed down the pacing. You need either less detail, or crisper sentences, or a combination of the two.

The hook. Your first sentence was long winded and a bit of an info-dump. If this hadn't been for a review request and if I hadn't been reading with your specific questions in mind, you may even have lost me there. Would it be possible for you to start with a line of dialogue, maybe, or some action that draws me in?

It seems devoid of emotion. You need me to feel something.

As I said, definite potential. I like the basic idea very much. I'd be happy to re-read this piece if you work on it, and re-rate it. If polished up, it will rate more than two-point five stars. I debated between 2.5 and 3, then decided on 2.5 at this stage because I really want you to come back and work on this! So don't get me wrong, I didn't dislike the piece, but I think it has lived up to only half its full potential.

Thanks for sharing this.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .