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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4453720
Review #4453720
Viewing a review of:
 Mrs. Trundle's Cats  [E]
Poor old lady with too many cats. poem/children's short story. Tell me what you think.
by Angel Lee/J.L. Russell
Review by Cubby
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
         *Stockingr* Greetings, Angel Lee/J.L. Russell ! I found your item, "Mrs. Trundle's Cats" , in Auto Reviews and decided to review it. *Smile*

         First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. *Smile* Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

My First Impression
         *Bulbb* *Shock2* Oh, wow. I wasn't expecting that! *Laugh* It began really nice... a woman with too many cats till the neighbor down the lane offered to take some home. *Rolleyes* This actually reminded me of when we advertized our barn cats and their kittens this past summer. It was suggested to me to watch out for people who took kittens for a variety of reasons, like experiments, shooting targets, oriental food, etc. So thank goodness a young couple with three little girls took them home to their country home. It wasn't easy catching them all and it took three trips, but we got them there. I miss them, but now that we are retired, we want our freedom to travel without finding someone to feed the cats while we are away.

Punctuation/Grammar/Typos
         *Bulbv* You might want to add a comma to Line 1: Poor Mrs. Trundle she had too many cats. *Right* Poor Mrs. Trundle, she had too many cats.
         In Line 2: They wondered up and spelling correction They wandered up and
         I found no other distractions as far as typos go.

Other Suggestions
         *Bulbr* In Line 14, it feels like a mouthful of words: He enjoyed his crazy experiments. Since we already know the neighbor is a mad scietist, you could probably omit the word crazy. He enjoyed his experiments.
         No other distractions popped out at me.

Thoughts/Emotions
         *Bulbo* I just noticed your poem, (which is centered on the page with zero line spaces to create stanzas,) appears as a cat! Very cool! Your words, for the most part, flowed along smoothly and your rhyme and rhythm were fun! Great meter! You are obviously a very talented writer. I just might come back for more! *Bigsmile*

         *Starb* My favorite line...
                             Little did Mrs. Trundle know,
                             What fate the cats would find.


*Note* I am a tad disturbed about what exactly happened to the cats... *Pthb*

*Holly1* Nicely written! I hope my suggestions were helpful. *Holly2*

*Candycanep* Have a great day and *Candycanep*
K e e p on W r i t i n g !
~Cubby ")
Animated Simply Positive Christams Tree Signature.


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