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Review #4487486
Viewing a review of:
Crack  [13+]
A mother, a son, a storm, and a shoebox.
by Laurie Razor
Review of Crack  
Review by Past Member 'blimprider'
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*BalloonR*    Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  *BalloonR*


         Good morning, Laurie Razor , and welcome to WdC. I selected your port for a review because you responded to the latest post on my blog; it had nothing to do with the fact that my daughter also has a big dragon tattoo up her back! You know me, so I'll dispense with the introductory comments and get right to it. Just know that I have a few books in print, but I am neither a famous author nor a renowned critic. I'm just a guy with an opinion that I'm here to share, and if you disagree with anything I say here, remember that the only opinion that matters is yours. I should explain that I use a template in which I discuss my views on the important areas of quality storytelling, then compare your work to my own beliefs on the matter. As I said, I'm no authority, but hopefully my comments will give you some ideas to improve in ways you never thought of. Let's get started, then.

STORY: This is really the basic element, isn't it? If you can't tell an engaging story, it doesn't matter what else you can do, because nobody's going to read it anyway. You should note that if you're reading this review, it means you've garnered decent to high marks in this category, or I would have moved on to something more engaging. I will try to explain aspects from characters to grammar, but I don't know how to teach someone to have an imagination, so congratulations; you've done something well already.
         This is a great piece of suspense with a killer twist ending. I'm not going to spoil it for anybody who might read this on the review page. You know what you wrote, and a damned fine job it was!

CHARACTERS: This section discusses all aspects of the characters, the way they look, act, and talk, as well as the development and presentation of backstory. Allow me to present "Tyler's Axiom:" Characters are fiction. Rich, multifaceted characters with compelling backstories will seize the reader in a grip that will not be denied, and drag him into their narrative, because he can't abide the thought of not knowing what will happen to them. Conversely, lazy, shallow stereotypes will kill any story regardless of its other qualities, because the reader will be unable to answer the second question of fiction: Why do I care?
         Phil and mom riding out a thunderstorm is an intense but non-threatening scene. A mother comforting her child is domesticity at its finest. It tips first into mystery, then pure horror in a series of subtle steps that challenge the characters to keep up. The range of emotions they exhibit, especially mom, is classic "what the hell's happening" horror. Well done, sir.

SETTINGS: This section deals with the locations you've established for your action, the ways in which they affect that action, and your ability to describe them clearly and concisely. You could say that this aspect answers (or fails to answer) the first question of fiction, What's going on here? Setting can be used to challenge a character, to highlight a skill or quality, to set the mood of a scene without overtly saying a single thing about it, and a host of lesser impacts too numerous to mention. You might think of it as a print artist's equivalent of a movie's "mood music," always important yet never intrusive. All in all, a pretty big deal, then. So how did you do?
         You kept it simple, staging all the action in a single house, which minimizes the tugs on a reader's attention, plus with all the action going on in their house, which is supposed to be your sanctuary of last resort, it maximizes the terror aspects. An excellent job on this, as well.

PRESENTATION: Whether you're writing fact or fiction, prose or poetry, the "holy grail" that you're striving for is immersion. This is an area that no author, myself included, ever wants to talk about: I've done all this work, and you want to argue over a comma?" But those commas are important. What you're really doing is weaving a magic spell around your reader, and your reader wants you to succeed. He wants to escape his mundane world for a period, and lose himself in your creation. Spelling, grammar, typos, "there" vs. "their" issues all yank him out of his immersion while he backtracks to re-read and puzzle out what you meant to say. This is never good, and this is the section that deals with that.
         Amazingly, the only issue I can find in this is in the sentence I look up at him; his eyes shine diabolically bright, it's as if he's crammed a flashlight in his skull. I would leave this "it's" out of the sentence and make "in" "into" so that it reads a little smoother. Other than that, all I can do is commend you on your proofreading skills.

SUMMARY: Time now to answer the all-important question: how did you do? This is a no-brainer. We have a delightful little horror story, completely lacking in splatter and gore while sewing seeds of fear and anxiety in the reader and character alike. I'm struggling with the "it's" and "into," which are the only issues I had. It's so close to perfect that I want to give it five stars, but perfection is perfection, and I have to save those five stars for the absolutely perfect. Still, 4½ is nothing to sneeze at, and I thank you for sharing this brilliantly written little tale of the unexpected.

         I hope that I have presented my opinions in a way that is constructive, and that you will find helpful to your endeavors going forward. It is never my intention to belittle anyone's efforts or discourage them from following the dream that I have found so fulfilling for the last six decades. In any case, if I can leave you with one thought to take with you, let it be this: Don't forget to have the fun! So many young and beginning writers get so caught up in the daily word count, the quest for publication, and the often conflicting advice of other writers that they forget to enjoy the journey. You may or may not become the next Big Celebrity Author, but you will always have the experience. Make sure it's a good one!

Read well, and write better,
*Skull* Jack Tyler

*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 06/06/2019 @ 1:37pm EDT
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