Hi Amaranthine,
This is a fantastic piece. The title is enigmatic and attention grabbing. It tells the reader very little about what the piece is actually about. They are intrigued and will begin to read to find out more. You launch into the piece without introduction or preamble. This takes all the reader's attention and focuses it completely on the topic and the piece. They will read to the last word. You have written about the grief over your brother's death. I am so sorry for your loss. I was delighted, though, with the look I got at you as a person as well as a writer. The length is perfect. You completely develop your topic without belaboring the issue and making the piece tedious. You use an emotional style that is very appealing to the reader. Great job.