Hi, ridinghhood-p.boutilier !

          Overall +/- :
My thoughts on the piece as a whole...

         Hello! I'm here to read and review your work as a fellow participant in "I Write"! My goodness, your talent for surprising, vibrant, and symbolic language is an absolute pleasure to encounter. Thank you for sharing your work! I read this poem more than once to savor the language.

          Rhythm & Flow:
Whether freeverse or tightly-structured formal poetry, flow is paramount.

         This is a freeverse poem with no discernible rhyme or meter. It flowed smoothly, and I found your line breaks purposeful and effective. I stumbled only once or twice over very small things. I'll mention them below.

          Language & Word Choice:
Because poetry is one of the briefer art forms, every word matters.

         Every word struck a chord in me. I love this poem. It reads like a celebration, but it doesn't hide that the processes by which we become lustrous are not always pleasant. Words like "scratching" and "finished in heat" make that clear. But I loved the words, malleable, lustrous, seared, quantum, amplify. Beautiful, all of them. I want to wrap them up and carry them with me. This poem is an excellent example, I think, of how the use of powerful verbs and unexpected but appropriate language can elevate a work!

          Things I liked :
Sometimes phrases or lines jump off the page.

What didn't I like? Can I paste the whole poem here?

My birthday year begins
scratching at my shadow
extracting rose-colored salts.
My bones amplify light.

          Suggestions:
Take them with a grain of salt.

You cannot separate experiment
from experimenter. — "Experimenter" for some reason reads as awkward. When I think of someone who does experiments, the words that come to mind are ones like "scientist" or "innovator." Another thing: you say they cannot be separated, And yet you separate them by putting them on different lines. Unless the separation was purposeful, I'd suggest:

You cannot separate
experiment from experimenter.

malleable,lustrous, — needs a space

          In Closing:
Any final thoughts...

         Your final line! Some poems wander, but yours finishes with a punch. I've probably read it through six or seven times now, and I vibrate with happiness every time.

Write On!



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .