Wow! This poem captures a vivid picture of the musical japanese event. I enjoyed learning about different cultures and using words in that language is effective in giving a real flavour of the culture. Your notes were helpful and interesting as I had not heard of this form either.

You did an expert job in composing this complex form with its 7-5 syllable and pauses. It flows in a coherent manner. I like the line "tunes of the ancient" and the word "crack" reflects the sound of the instrument.

The grammar in the first line threw me a bit... I wonder if Girl dancing in the temple, with..." would be more clear. I know the dancer has control....it first struck me that it referred to the temple. LOL ah poetry forms! I see though that if you put "Girl" first, you may need to put an article in and mess up the syllables. Not a big issue..just something that occurred to me.

I would love to see such a performance! Thanks for sharing your knowledge and skill at WDC, word wizardess!

You responded to this review 10/14/2019 @ 11:48pm EDT

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