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 Review #4514278 |
 | The Librarian  [E] The library. The place you go to get lost in new worlds and escape from your own reality.  |
| (3.0)| Greetings, Abby! Welcome to this wondrous writing community. You are off to a great start by populating your port and opening up your work for comment by your peers during your first three and a half months among us. The following observations are offered in the spirit of friendly hospitality and constructive support, but they are nothing more than one person's opinions, so take them or leave them for whatever you think they may be worth. TITLE: Unless your name is J. K. Rowling, or that of some other famous author, whose reputation is enough to attract a fawning audience, the title is one of the most important elements of any composition. It sets the tone and prepares the random reader for what is to come. If that entrance does not spark some sort of interest, chances are he or she will move along to the next item, or maybe even the next author. The title of this little tale invites that browser to meet one of the most treasured officials in our society, the one who maintains the gateway to knowledge for all who seek it. OPENING HOOK: Once you have lured prospective readers into your lair, your opening lines present another challenge: either hooking them or losing them. The opening lines of this narrative set the scene very nicely, but there is very little action or suspense to grab your audience's attention and make them want to keep going on this journey. SETTING: Imagery is the lifeblood of any story. Like a craftsman carving, molding, painting, and polishing wood, stone, clay, or some other material, the creative writer uses words to shape and paint pictures which present some lyrical impulse or spiritual truth. Rather than TELLING the audience about those feelings, the author SHOWS the impressions through distinct images that project emotional overtones and associations with other images and events. In this way, the storyteller stirs an emotional response from the reader. The specific concrete details provide a vivid picture which is projected on the screen of your reader's imagination, making him one with this experience. CHARACTERS: While the particulars about the surroundings are very distinct, there are no such specifics offered for any of the characters to bring the generic "another librarian" or "unfamiliar woman" to life in the readers' minds. The "creepy smile" helps a bit, but the "almost" creates a hint of uncertainty to weaken that connection. As the author, you have the power to state definitively that the "smile" is creepy without further qualification. NARRATIVE: The action moves along smoothly, albeit rather slowly, until that massive book "flew from her hands," which disrupts the reader's engagement and stretches the suspension of disbelief with which he entered this affair beyond the breaking point, in my humble opinion. The shifting point of view from Sarah to the librarian at the end is another disruption in your audience's connection. OVERALL IMPRESSION: With all due respect to Dr. Albert Einstein, I have formulated my own theory of relativity: No matter how accomplished someone is, there is always room for improvement; no matter how new someone is to a particular process, there are always others out there who could use your help with a little fresh perspective. We all started from the same point. A prima ballerina began her journey by taking a few faltering baby steps, falling down, getting up, and trying again. Even at the pinnacle of her career, she still practices tirelessly to continue honing her craft. You have achieved the most important step in this process by capturing your thoughts on paper before they can fly away like fireflies in the night. In that effort, you have excavated a golden nugget from the depths of your imagination. Keep polishing this nugget to maximize the effects and transform it into the magnificent jewel it can be. Write on! Let the creativity flow from your soul!  Dave "The Poet's Place "  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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