Hi, IceSkatingSugarCube !

          Overall +/- :
My thoughts on the piece as a whole...

         I'm here as to read and review your work as a fellow participant in "I Write," and I found this one while reading through recent entries. How fun! Willie getting a rotting spleen from the hag definitely does seem like an appropriate ending to the poem, and very much in line with the intent for this form! A "Ruthless Rhyme," indeed!

          Rhythm & Flow:
Whether freeverse or tightly-structured formal poetry, flow is paramount.

         I love the use of WritingML—bold text in black and orange with little candy corn pieces sitting on top. It makes for a lovely and entertaining presentation. The poem flows smoothly for the most part, but I did stumble over the third line. I got the impression when I read it that it has more than four stresses in the line, but that could just be me. (My brain read the last three words as: little old hag, which has three stresses all by itself...) If you also felt that it had extra stresses, a bit of rephrasing could smooth it out. For example—"Trick or Treat!" he told the hag.

          Language & Word Choice:
Because poetry is one of the briefer art forms, every word matters.

         Strong imagery in this one. I liked the use of the verb "beg" and the other strong language. The strange specificity of "rotting spleen" gives the poem a morbid, comedic tone that fits perfectly with the form. Nice work!

          Things I liked :
Sometimes phrases or lines jump off the page.

I really love the musicality of the first two lines, and the unexpectedness of the final one!

          Suggestions:
Take them with a grain of salt.

Nothing comes to mind but the possible issue with stressed in line three that I mentioned above.

          In Closing:
Any final thoughts...

         Thank you for sharing! This seems like it could be a tough form to work with—I definitely know it would be a bit outside of my comfort zone—but I think you handled it well. Thank you for sharing!

Write On!



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .