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Review #4515231
Viewing a review of:
 Where do I find You?  [E]
Where do I find you?
by SomaSilver
Review by Past Member 'blimprider'
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*LeafO*  Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  *LeafO*


         Good morning, SomaSilver , and welcome to WdC.
         For the record, my real name is Jack Tyler, and I am a former steampunk author who has transitioned to horror, but I try to review a wide variety of styles and genres. While I have a few books in print, I am neither a famous author nor a renowned critic. I'm just a guy with an opinion that I'm here to share, and if you disagree with anything I say here, remember that the only opinion that matters is yours. Let's get started, then.

         I'm not known for reviewing poetry because, frankly, my shoot-em-up-loving soul is too dense to get most of it. This, however, is pretty straightforward, plus I liked it, so by way of welcome, I'm sending you a review.
         First of all, I like free verse because the poet can make her point without being locked into the straitjacket of meter and rhyme. I further especially like these poems and stories about the exciting uncertainties of youth. This appears to be a lament by a girl who likes a boy, but missed her opportunity because of fear and self-doubt. This is tragic, and what raises the artistic quality is that you don't come right out and state the conclusion, but rather let us, the readers, draw our own.
         I did find a couple of little mechanical hiccups that pulled the piece down from perfect to just slightly less so. These are the kind of things that get picked up in proofreading, which I will take the time to point out is your best friend as a writer. It isn't glamorous, it isn't fun, but if you're going to be a respected writer, you must do it until you're blue in the face, until you're sick of your own words, then do it again. It's what separates the excellent from the so-sos. Here they are:
         In the library hall way were you and I mostly bump onto each other... Hallway is one word, you left the "h" out of where, and I've only ever heard of bumping into each other. "Onto" each other may be a regionalism from your locale, but if it's a typo, it needs to be fixed.
         ...but sadly I did not accepted it... Improper suffix: "I did not accept it." None of these are major, but they need to be addressed, because little errors like this tug on the reader's immersion, which is the Holy Grail of writers. You want your reader to forget that he's reading at all, and just live on the page of your poem.

         I know that looks like a lot when you just write it all down like that, but it really isn't much, and the important thing is the meat and meaning of your poem, which you've delivered with grace and charm in a way that leaves your reader thinking. A couple of asides: I like these stories about young folks finding their way because I'm old, and they take me back. You can never recapture the innocence and wonder of youth, but you can experience it again through words on the page, which is the only true magic. Also, my daughter's name is Sidra. One of my main hobbies has been the study of WWII, and at the time my wife was pregnant I was reading about Rommel in the Libyan desert, and a dust-up he had with a British force at a place called Sidra Ridge. We agreed that that would be a beautiful name for our beautiful daughter, and pretty much everyone who has heard it since agrees. It's unusual, and thrilling, to see it used in a story.

         So, you've done some good work here, and I thank you for sharing it. If I can leave you with one thought to take with you, let it be this: Don't forget to have the fun! So many young and/or beginning writers get so caught up in the daily word count, the quest for publication, and the often conflicting advice of other writers that they forget to enjoy the journey. You may or may not become the next Big Celebrity Author, but you will always have the experience. Make sure it's a good one!

Read well, and write better,
*Hotair2* Jack

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