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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4521147
Review #4521147
Viewing a review of:
 The Sale  [E]
Flash Fiction
by Jacky
Review of The Sale  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Jacky.

*Candycaner*
The title didn't specifically draw my interest, and the brief description offered no clues as to content. However, I'm amazed by authors who can write flash fiction and make it work. Plot, setting, character, conflict, all of it. *Shock2*

*Candycaner* The story opened with a conflict, allowing the reader to investigate further. Swift action ensued, but still the mystery remained. I wanted to know where all the rushing and running about would lead. And what could getting her hair fixed solve? More mystique beckons. Great job showing us the store and the crowds. Sharon is close to desperation. I felt the panic and determination to achieve her goal.

I wasn't sure who to root for when the woman and Sharon both grabbed the coveted item at the same time. I wanted Sharon to have it, because I understood her character. This new woman had no importance to me. Yet.

What a lovely woman to acquiesce and hand over the dryer to Sharon. Another surprise and a big smile on my face when Sharon caught site of her appearance.

*Candycaner*
I noticed more than one instance of the word [finally] being used in close proximity.
Something to be avoided, as the word loses meaning.

I'd also suggest using the passive verb [was] so often in the story. This occurs when the subject receives the action.

*Ornament1r*
Excellent job completing the story arc. It began with spilled coffee and ended the same, in addition to a startling visual of Sharon.

Funny and engaging read!

~Nixie


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