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 Review #4524121 |
 | Legend in the Snow  [E] The real story of Frosty  |
| (5.0)| Hi, Lori! One word for this: really good. No, that’s two words. How about: good. Nope, that’s not what I want either. How about MAGNIFICENT! I love stories that are sweet and innocent, yet have their dark side that shows what’s really going on in the real world, and you did a ‘lovely’ job with that contrast in this piece. One moment Frosty’s giggling at the spirited snowball fights of the children, the next he’s feeling the agony as they ground their feet into his ribcage as they clamored up his trunk!   Suggestions and comment for an otherwise excellent story! ‘Left to fend for himself(,) was the decapitated snowman’ ‘Frosty spied a group of kids running up the hill towards him(.)’ ‘He could feel the agony(,) as they stuffed their toes into his belly.’ ‘He closed his coal (eye) and prayed for the best.’ ‘he would have swiped the sweat from his brow(,) at such a close call’ ‘to behold was this talking snowball(.) that the kids all gathered around.’ Love your descriptions! (the white flaky threat )The only other thing is I think the ending was a little rushed. Maybe if you drew it out bit more? I don’t know if this was for a contest (‘SCREAMS!!! ?) or if there was a word count, but now that it’s over I think you should edit this. But that’s just own humble opinion, for what that’s worth. But I really did love this story, Lori! Kee ponw ritin gon, my friend, and thanks for sharing this dark and humorous piece about a legendary snowman who had met his inevitable demise, all thanks to a little girl who forgot all about her ‘best friend’!
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You responded to this review 01/07/2020 @ 5:47pm EST