Hello Heather lane !

I'm here with "The WDC Angel Army"  for this review. Let's get rolling!

Corrections/Suggestions

First impressions- This reads as kind of like a way down to your head, your thoughts, and what's going on. Less of a story, more possibly like an essay. There's a lot of words that work well to strengthen your message of grief and how it has personally affected you. I really like the "why are you allowed to rest and I am walking with what is left?" There's almost a sense of rhythm, rhyme, in that sentnece.

I would reccomend maybe not using italics for the entire piece. It makes it a little tricky to read on the eyes, though I don't have the best eyes anyways.

There's some passive voice in this but since it's not a story you may or may not play with that if you want. Also, a typo and I'd just suggest a reread to catch those kinds of errors. Like:

good-by - is "goodbye."

Things Which I Enjoyed
A place to fight your own fears leaving your body to stone and my soul left reminiscing all those years..
I think that this does a good job of tying together the story, or your thoughts, and finalizing them. I can understand this feeling of wanting to retrace things and asking questions to yourself after the fact. You have some pretty lines and well-done ones within this piece.

Overall Comments
Overall, this piece just needs a look over for typos and I would recommend not having the italics for the full length, but this is just a suggestion. You could also play with using more active vs. passive voice for this passage as well. The beginning is great and definitely grabbed me and pulled me in to read more. Thank you for sharing and keep on writing! =D



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .