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Review #4563288
Viewing a review of:
 Penguin  [E]
A blackbird becomes part of the family
by Sumojo
Review of Penguin  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Jody. Nixie here. It's my pleasure to review your work for "I Write in 2020 And what a pleasure it was!

When I finished reading this, a chill ran up my legs. A weird place for the chills, I know. Maybe that reaction was an indication of how closely this story resonated with me.

The opening paragraph showed us a beautiful scene that led to tragedy. You did a wonderful job creating the mind-image. I don't fall off balcony, but my morning begins in solitude with coffee and lake-gazing. I connected with Ellen immediately. That means the story speaks to me.

Expertly expressed, I felt her loss deep within me. And the discovery of the blackbird drew me closer. When I'm watching the lake from my balcony, all sorts of birds fly toward me, alighting on the huge oak that shadows me from the relentless sun. But my special bird is the cardinal. The experiences are internal, and difficult to relate, but every single time I'm sinking, a cardinal shows up. The bird is like my champion. (similar to Penguin). I enjoyed a laugh imagining a bird with that creative name.

A quick oops here.
"Is it dead?” He whispered, his eyes pooling with tears.
No need to capitalize he.

Can a baby bird eat worms? Usually, the mom bird masticates the food before feeding it to her babies.

Eww, but important to the story. The reader had to know the bird pooped everywhere. I can't imagine living under those conditions. And the stink. Ick.

Still, the magic of the bird prevailed. So I will close with my most miraculous moment with a cardinal. And this is no exaggeration. One day, the bird, gosh, how do I explain this, hovered in my window for at least two minutes by flapping its wings. I swear, it looked right through the window at me. That experience heightened my connection not only to the cardinal, but to all of nature.

See all the joy you brought me with your story? It kept me captive and mesmerized. Excellent job showing Ellen's realizations and celebratory recovery. I'm wondering if the last paragraph was personal to you. It seemed an odd ending, a bit abrupt, I suppose. Still, the message rang out clear. Kudos to Ellen, the heroine of this story.

Oh, and such wonderful word choices throughout the story. Nicely written with a few bumps that didn't effect the reading experience.

The past is the present is the future

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