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Review #4569769
Viewing a review of:
 Lucid Twilight 001  [13+]
Feren discovers that he can pull his sleeping body into his dreams, what now?
by AarTech
Review by Charlie ~
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
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Hello AarTech ,

I'm Charlie ~ and I've selected your item, "Lucid Twilight 001"   by AarTech , for reviewing today. The following feedback is merely the opinion of a fellow writer/reader. Use what is useful to you and throw the rest away. *Wink*

*Icecream* General Thoughts: Lucid dreaming about cuddling with beastly wolves would be better than the nightmares I usually have. *Laugh* I've heard that you can make yourself lucid dream if you wake up at a certain point in your sleep cycle and then fall back asleep.

I like the imagery that you built at the beginning of the story. It makes me wonder what Feren has going on in his life and what situation he's in where his room has only a bed and no furnishings. At least he can find solace in his lucid dream friend.

*Icecreamb* Suggestions: There are several grammatical errors/typos throughout the story. It needs a good edit. Here are just a few I noticed:

*Bullet* a sleeping creature with dark fluffy fur. the face of which
Needs capitalization on the. I noticed this again later in the story.

*Bullet* part of it's face, almost as if it had been fused to it's own
its, not it's

*Bullet* horrificly
horrifically

I also think the story needs to be expanded a little bit to build Feren's story. We need more background on his character, what he's going through, and why he needs to lucid dream to escape his life.

*Icecreamv* Conclusion: Overall, I think lucid dreaming is an interesting concept. I think you have the ability to set a scene in your writing, as evidenced by the imagery in the beginning of the story. I think this story in particular needs to be fleshed out a bit more and then edited for grammatical errors. Welcome to the site. Thanks for sharing your writing with us. Let me know if you need anything.

Best,

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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/09/2020 @ 9:29am EDT
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