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Review #4571931
Viewing a review of:
 Forget Me Not  [13+]
I was going to write a poem book but this is as far as I got. Was I right to stop?
by Bspr2020
Review of Forget Me Not  
Review by Dave's gone...
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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*LeafO*  Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  *LeafO*


Greetings, Brooke!

Welcome to our International Inspiration Station. I saw your introduction on the "Noticing Newbies"  forum and wanted to offer a few observations in the spirit of friendly hospitality and constructive support, since we seem to have an interest in common: poetry. Of course, they are nothing more than one person's opinions, so take them or leave them for whatever you think they may be worth.

TITLE:

Unless your name is Emily Dickinson, or that of some other famous poet, whose reputation is enough to attract a fawning audience, the title is one of the most important elements of any composition, because it is the portal through which a prospective reader must pass to enter the realm of your imagination. It sets the tone and prepares the reader for what is to come. If that entrance does not spark some sort of interest, chances are he or she will move along to the next item, or maybe even the next author.

I believe you have missed an opportunity to engage an audience with the title you have assigned to this poem. The thought of anything "Random" and the generic "poem" offer little to bond with that random browser. Perhaps, if you were to reference "The Superhero" there might be a stronger sense of intrigue?

FORM & STRUCTURE:

In traditional poetry, the fixed shape of the meter, rhyme, and stanza creates an emotional distance which facilitates universal acceptance. The poet writing free verse must compensate for the lack of traditional structure by designing the title, line, stanza, and rhythm to provide the greatest impact in an efficient manner. Otherwise, the poem will be nothing more than prose in disguise. Careful design of the word selection and arrangement, the length and density of each line, and the breakdown of stanzas must provide a natural rhythm. That is, through much toil in search of precise language, experimentation with forming lines and stanzas, and extensive revision, the poet carefully crafts a work that appears natural, authentic, and convincing to the reader.

The short, staccato lines project a tone of anxious tension, which reinforces your narrator's expression perfectly.

IMAGERY:

Imagery is the lifeblood of a poem. Like a craftsman carving, molding, painting, and polishing wood, stone, clay, or some other material, the poet uses words to shape and paint pictures which present some lyrical impulse or spiritual truth. Rather than TELLING the audience about those feelings, the poet SHOWS the impressions through distinct images that project emotional overtones and associations with other images and events. In this way, the poet stirs an emotional response from the reader.

Unlike the title, the specific, concrete nouns in the body of your poem, such as "Bruises, cuts, pain" and "wind hitting the windows," project vivid details upon the screen of your reader's imagination.

POETIC TECHNIQUE:

I do not know how much poetic training you have had, or whether it is entirely instinctive, as mine was back in the beginning, but you have applied a number of poetic devices with superb skill:

First, the structural design to evoke a particular emotional reaction, as mentioned above.

Second, the frequent repetition of opening phrases, known as Anaphora ( https://literarydevices.net/anaphora/ ), generates a powerful rhythm which pounds an impression into your audience's consciousness.

Third, the application of the Asyndeton technique ( https://literarydevices.net/asyndeton/ ) helps to propel your narrative forward at a quicker pace.

EMOTIONAL CONNECTION:

Many of us began writing poetry as an emotional outlet for the strong feelings we have about some person or some thing. Releasing those emotions may have a therapeutic value for the writer, but a real poem to be shared with readers should embody, rather than merely express, the emotion by bringing it to life with well-chosen words, relevant figures of speech and powerful rhythms that transform it into an experience with which the reader can relate. By SHOWING emotions through images and events that are so detailed that the reader can feel the emotion of the moment, you will be on your way to being a skilled poet. You have clearly demonstrated that skill here.

OVERALL IMPRESSION:

The gritty expression so powerfully presented indicates that the answer to your question is a resounding NO, you were not "right to stop." Please do Write on!

If you are interested in learning more about the craft of composing poetry, or merely chatting with a few like-minded wordsmiths, we would love to have you join our discussions in "The Poet's Place "  group.

Here's wishing you fair winds as you continue to navigate this universe known as Writing.Com.

Let the creativity flow from your soul! *Cool*
Dave
"The Poet's Place " 
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