*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4605238
Review #4605238
Viewing a review of:
 "bed"  [E]
} I wake up slowly, enjoying the light slanting through my window. My back arches.........
by secret girl
Review of "bed"  
Review by Past Member 'blimprider'
In affiliation with Dreamweaver Bar & Grill  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*LeafO*Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon" *LeafO*

         Good morning, secret girl , and I hope it finds you well. In the immortal words of Jim Bishop, "A good writer is not per se, a good book critic any more than a good drunk is automatically a good bartender," but bear with me; I'm going to take a shot anyway (see what I did there?) *Rolling*.
         For the record, my real name is Jack Tyler, and I am a retired mystery, steampunk, and horror writer who tries to review in a wide variety of styles and genres. While I have a few books in print, I am neither a famous author nor a renowned critic. I'm just a guy with an opinion that I'm here to share, and if you disagree with anything I say here, remember that the only opinion that matters is yours. As I said, I'm no authority, but hopefully my comments will give you some ideas to take your writing in directions you hadn't previously considered.
         Before I pitch in, allow me to offer a suggestion: Put a little of yourself into your bio sections. You will receive much more tailored reviews if your reviewer knows a little about your background and experience level. Let me just drop a warning here, and we'll get started.

THIRD-PARTY READERS TAKE NOTE: SPOILERS AHEAD

         I usually use a big template to review big stories, but this little vignette caught my eye, and I decided to welcome a new member with a review. So, what do we have here?

         I am uncertain. Your first category is Music, the second Fantasy, and I don't see either of those things in these few words. Is it a song lyric? Is she watching the cat for a witch? ...Or maybe the cat's watching her for a witch! What I do have is about half a page of beautiful imagery, to use your own word, sensual in its description of the joy of greeting a new day. I don't know what your intention is with this. As a stand-alone vignette it is an enjoyable treat for the senses. As a scene from a larger work, it could define the early attitude of a naive heroine who grows into a Woman of Power as she is forced into becoming an avenging angel or a protector of the helpless. There are, as you can see, many things this could grow into, but there is nothing wrong with the way it is, either.

         Mechanically, I like the way you've opened up the font and made it easy for old eyes to read. I don't think you should have gone bold or italic, as it robs you of the opportunity to use those typefaces for special effects. That hurts nothing as this is, but if you choose to expand it, you'll find the lack of those tools limiting.
         My big issue here is the lack of paragraphs. Readers need them to follow the flow, they really aren't optional. I can tell that you know where to put them, but they need to be either indented, double-spaced, or both. You indent them by placing {indent} at the start of each one. Sounds like a pain, I know, but there is a shortcut key at the top of the creation box. Piece of cake.

         The character and setting are simply delightful. We don't get any dialogue or interaction from her, but she suits her purpose well. All in all, a lovely little read to start my day, and I thank you for sharing. May your writing take you on a wonderful journey to wherever you wish to go!

** Image ID #2234711 Unavailable **

         As a member with some experience here, allow me to offer you some links you may find helpful. First and foremost has to be
BOOK
Writing.Com 101  (E)
Explanations and instructions of all things Writing.Com.
#101 by The StoryMistress
This is the basic introduction of how to use all the features of the site, and is a priceless resource that I still find myself referring to.

         Second is
FORUM
Noticing Newbies  (13+)
A warm welcome to our newbies; come meet new and not-so-new members of Writing.Com!
#126963 by The StoryMistress
This is a forum on which only newbies can initiate threads, but any member can respond. It's a great place to ask questions and get to know your fellow members.

         Finally, I don't operate a group, but I'm a member of a good one, and I recommend a visit soon.
GROUP
Dreamweaver Bar & Grill  (13+)
An idea factory, an inspiration pool, a place where creativity can soar.
#2211862 by Richard ~ Shenanigans INC.
Dreamweaver is at its heart a group of friends who talk about things, but we also have a wicked contest going, whose chief prize is the inclusion of the winning stories in our anthology,
 
STATIC
Fireside Tales  (E)
A sampler of works by the members of Dreamweaver Bar & Grill
Drop by and check it out, and should you find it interesting, ask anyone from the bartenders on up to add you to our membership.

Looking forward to seeing you around the site!
*Captainwheel* Jack "Blimprider" Tyler

*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/07/2021 @ 1:40pm EDT
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4605238