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Review #4619954
Viewing a review of:
 Aware Machines  [E]
Machined decide to take over
by bas
Review of Aware Machines  
Review by Cubby
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*


Greetings, bas! I am reviewing this because I am part of "CLOSED: Merit Badges for Fun Raffle " . *Smile*

*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.


What I Liked

         *Bullet* I liked all the dialogue. It keeps everything rolling along at a good pace. *Smile*
         *Bullet* Your opening dialogue draws the reader in: “Is there no way to turn them off ?” Suri’s voice shook with fear, as he ran behind Geet following her to the only safety bunker left in the building.
         *Bullet* Your flash fiction piece has managed to not only hook the reader right away, but leave the reader wondering if the army of reinforcements will be able to save them the next time the machines attack!


Suggestions to Consider

         *Bullet* In your summary, below the title: Machined *Right* Machines
         *Bullet* Paragraph 2: Geet pulled the huge door shut, locking them with massive mechanical locks. *Right* Geet pulled the huge door[s] shut, locking them with massive mechanical locks. or Geet pulled the huge door shut, locking [it] with massive mechanical locks.
         *Bullet* Paragraph 3: “These“ Suri wiped the sweat off his *Right* “These[..."] Suri wiped the sweat off his You need punctuation before the ending quote in order for it to be correct. *Smile*
         *Bullet* You may want to revisit your ending dialogue punctuation in a few areas as there are places you haven't used any at all. *Smile* If you use a dialogue tag, be sure to end your dialogue with a comma before your ending quote [,"] and if you don't use a dialogue tag, be sure to end your dialogue with a period (unless it's a question, of course. *Wink*) [."] or [?"]


Final Thoughts This is a great flash fiction piece, sure to draw in any reader. Have you thought about continuing with it, as perhaps a futuristic short story? Best of luck in the contest!


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 07/18/2021 @ 10:52am EDT
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4619954