#15

A one-star rating means "needs work".

Right away I'm confused by the title. What is Alagasia? It might be an exotic location, or it might be a medication for pain relief. As a title, it doesn't really draw me in. It certainly bears no relation to the story.

Who or what is Galbatorix? If you expect your readers to follow, such things need an explanation.

The first paragraph, while interesting, does not serve the basic purpose of revealing just who is narrating. In a first person POV, it helps to know whose POV you're seeing.

This is not a story. A story has a plot -- the characters have goals that are important to them; there are obstacles to their achieving their goals; there are stakes, bad results if they fail to reach their goals; there is rising action to a climax, which is a resolution when through their own actions the characters achieve their goals; there is a brief denouement, a conclusion to tie up loose ends.

The whole thing deserves to be developed further. You've just named some minor characters and told us little about them. Who are they (beyond dragon and rider)? What are their goals? What prevents them from achieving the goals? What is at stake if they fail?

I sense the basics of some good writing here, some sound technical skills, and some good ideas percolating in the back of your mind. Please don't be in a hurry. Take the time to really work through and develop your ideas.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .