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Review #4638427
Viewing a review of:
 Wandering Thought  [E]
If a thought could be seen, mine would paint this picture
by outsidetheaxle
Review of Wandering Thought  
Review by Dave's gone...
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
A dragon reading a book by candle light
*LeafO*  Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  *LeafO*



Greetings, outsidetheaxle !

Welcome aboard our International Inspiration Station, aka Writing.Com. I discovered this little gem featured in the latest Noticing Newbies Newsletter and wanted to congratulate you on gaining that kind of exposure during your first few weeks among us. The following observations are offered in the spirit of friendly hospitality and constructive support, but they are nothing more than one man's opinions, so take them or leave them for whatever you think they may be worth.

TITLE:

Like the names of your children, a title gives your brainchild a specific identity. It is also a critical element of your composition, because it is the portal through which a prospective reader must pass to enter the realm of your imagination. It sets the tone and prepares the reader for what is to come. If that entrance does not spark some sort of interest, chances are he or she will move along to the next item, or maybe even the next author.

The name you have given this poem attracted my attention with its reference to a titillating concept with which many of us are all too familiar.

FORM & STRUCTURE:

Dividing the composition into two stanzas helps control the pace and sharpen the focus, giving your audience an opportunity to absorb each impression more completely before moving along to the next.

The progressive increase in line lengths, ranging from eight syllables in the first line to fifteen syllables in the last line, produces a sense of uncontrolled rambling.

IMAGERY:

Strong action verbs along with your narrator's application of the Personification technique ( https://literarydevices.net/personification/ ) give your readers something with which they can readily relate.

POETIC TECHNIQUE:

The consistent pattern of rhyming couplets generates a rhythm to propel your narrative forward at a comfortable pace.

The rhyming is well executed without distortion of the language in order to maintain the established pattern, except for that over-extended last line.

OPPORTUNITIES FOR IMPROVEMENT:

The passive language beginning the third line tends to weaken the reader's connection with this expression. I believe you could strengthen that bond by replacing "It is veered" with "It veers."

OVERALL IMPRESSION:

Your portrayal of this experience provides an insightful glimpse into the way our minds sometimes work or do not work. Thank you for sharing!

If you are interested in learning more about the craft of composing poetry, or merely chatting with a few like-minded wordsmiths, we would love to have you join our discussions in "The Poet's Place "  group.

Here's wishing you fair winds as you continue to navigate this universe known as Writing.Com.

Let the creativity flow from your soul! *Cool*
Dave
"The Poet's Place " 
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