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Review #4662416
Viewing a review of:
 Snow Fay (a mite's wish)  [E]
A poem flash-fiction hybrid about being small, a mite or fairy, about snow, winter, death.
by Ives
Review by Dave
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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*Snow1*  Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  *Snow1*



Greetings, Ives!

Welcome aboard our International Inspiration Station, also known as Writing.Com. You are certainly off to a fine start by populating your port and exposing your work to the whole community. The following observations are offered in the spirit of friendly hospitality and constructive support, but they are nothing more than one man's opinions, so take them or leave them for whatever you think they may be worth.

TITLE:

The title of a composition represents the door through which prospective readers must pass to enter the realm of your imagination. If that entrance does not spark some sort of interest, chances are he or she will move along to the next item, or maybe even the next author.

The sign on this entry invites those browsers to meet a new member of the fantasy network.

FORM & STRUCTURE:

Creativity thrives on experimentation and exploration. It lives on discovery, and readers read to discover. As creative writers, we must let our imaginations lead us through their mysterious wanderings to that point of unveiling, like a special gift *Gift4* being examined, shaken to see if it rattles, and finally unwrapped.

This blending of poetry and prose clearly demonstrates an active imagination.

NARRATIVE:

Creative writers are constantly asking two questions: “What if?” and “What then?” Then they let their imaginations guide them on an adventurous journey into the unknown. They are ready for surprises and embrace whatever emerges. While they try to maintain emotional honesty about their subjects, they freely skew the facts. Posing that question to your audience is an effective way to get them engaged in this experience. The powerful echo of repetition ensures their continued attention.

However, the shifting of perspective from the third person point of view for the first six lines of poetry to the second person voice for the next eight lines and, finally, first person standpoint for the prose section is a bit distracting, in my humble opinion.

OPPORTUNITY FOR IMPROVEMENT:

In the first paragraph of prose, your narrator provides several options to describe his "condition," which has the effect of diffusing the reader's focus. As the author, you have the creative power to state definitively, "I was shook loose."

OVERALL IMPRESSION:

This felt like an afternoon excursion on a magic carpet. Thank you for sharing!

If you are interested in learning more about the craft of composing poetry, or merely chatting with a few like-minded wordsmiths, we would love to have you join our discussions in "The Poet's Place "  group.

Here's wishing you fair winds as you continue to navigate this universe known as Writing.Com.

Let the creativity flow from your soul! *Cool*
Dave
"The Poet's Place " 
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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 07/18/2022 @ 1:49pm EDT
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