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Review by Dave
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Rated: | (4.5)
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Greetings, TaH2o!

The following observations are offered in the spirit of friendly camaraderie and constructive support. Of course, they are nothing more than one person's opinions, so take them or leave them for whatever you think they may be worth.

TITLE:

The title of a composition represents the door through which prospective readers must pass to enter the realm of your imagination. If that entrance does not spark some sort of interest, chances are he or she will move along to the next item, or maybe even the next author.

The sign on this door invites that browser to enter a world of optimistic opportunity.

FORM & STRUCTURE:

Poetry weaves an intricate web of aesthetic effects with threads of lyrical language, vibrant imagery and organizational form. As poets, we select a pattern for any particular composition based on the contributions the specific characteristics of that form will make toward enhancing the shades and nuances of meaning.

Your selection of quatrains (four-line stanzas) with an alternating rhyme scheme provides a solid framework upon which to drape the word pictures you are painting, and also affords your audience the opportunity to grasp each thought more completely before moving along to the next.

IMAGERY

Imagery is the lifeblood of a poem. Like a craftsman carving, molding, painting, and polishing wood, stone, clay, or some other material, the poet uses words to shape and paint pictures which present some lyrical impulse or spiritual truth. Rather than TELLING the audience about those feelings, the poet SHOWS the impressions through distinct images that project emotional overtones and associations with other images and events. In this way, the poet stirs an emotional response from the reader.

By describing the abstract "dream" with the distinct physical condition of "unraveled," your narrator provides a solid connection for your audience to grasp. I had no problem maintaining that bond throughout the narrative.

POETIC TECHNIQUE:

If done well, rhyming can be pleasing to the ear and fun to create, testing the wit and ingenuity of the poet. It can also serve as an audible echo or resonance for emphasis. Additionally, rhyming can be an organizing device to create zones of similarity for your poems and linkage to connect different thoughts.

There are several problems that arise when using rhymes, end-rhymes in particular. The first is that rhymes tend to draw attention to themselves and may overshadow the message of the poem. Also, the writer may torture the diction or grammatical structure to make the line fit the established rhyme scheme. Another danger is writing a line that fulfills the formal rhyming requirement but fails to meet the commitment of expressing a heartfelt belief.

You have demonstrated a particular knack for composing poetry by executing the rhyme pattern flawlessly, without distortion of the language while maintaining a natural flow.

OVERALL IMPRESSION:

Art happens in two places: in writers' minds as they create it, and in readers' minds as they perceive it. Creative writers explore possibilities through a lens colored by past experience and share them with an unseen audience. They call upon a unique reservoir of such enlightenment, conceptual skill and innovative research to evoke some spiritual reaction from your audience--be it joy, melancholy, shock, or any of a thousand others.

The transformation from pessimistic despair to a more positive outlook lifted my spirits on a dismal day. Thank you for sharing!

If you are interested in learning more about the craft of composing poetry, or merely chatting with a few like-minded wordsmiths, we would love to have you join our discussions in "The Poet's Place "  group.

Let the creativity flow from your soul! *Cool*
Dave
"The Poet's Place " 
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