%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4709670 |
 | Shaky Marriage  [13+] A funny story about a married couple who cannot get along.  |
| (3.5)| Hello Candie101 Happy Anniversary! This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum" [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with.   I enjoyed your story about a couple who sadly just couldn't get along. I know you called it a comedy, but I found it more sad. You might think about replacing the comedy category with 'Relationship'. But maybe it's just me.  Even though I didn't find it funny, I still thought the story was engaging.  Title and Description - Great title that caught my attention and drew me in. Consider tweaking your description to something like, "A Married Couple's Squabble".  Theme/Subject Matter - It's about a wife who was fed up with her husband's lack of devotion to their relationship. So in her anger, she tries to get back at him, through not-so-smart actions. Characters - We don't really get to know the husband too much, but the wife has gotten past the point of no return.  Originality/Creativity:- An original writing that leads to an unexpected end. Emotion/Impact: - Even though this is supposed to be a comedy, I didn't get that impact at all. It was more of an anger and sadness issue to me.   My Suggestions - Below is a few of my suggestions. Please do not get discouraged. If you edit the item and would like me to re-review it, please let me know.I think the story would read easier if you broke up the paragraphs. It's a small thing that can really make a difference.  I found it kind of odd that she would just drive away from her house while it was on fire. Even if she were angry.  If he doesn't do anything quick,If he doesn't do anything quickly,  Claire was caught in the mist of her thoughts,Claire was caught in the midst... She new it was New Year's Day She knew...  wondering off to God knows wandering off...  John, and he slammed  just great." Claire said Replace the period with a comma.  How dare him walk out on her. "I know just what to do." she saidHow dare he walk out on her. "I know just what to do, she said gleefully ontop their roofon top of their roof  supplies and ran back outside and exhaustedly threw them ontop the roof....threw them on top of the roof.  grusomelygruesomely  hystariahysteria Summary: I think you did an amazing job writing as people talk. With a little editing, this story will be made even better! I look forward to rereading it. Thanks so much for sharing it with us! KEEP ON WRITING ON!  Intuey   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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