Your story reminds me of Romeo and Juliet. I enjoyed the characters and events. They are believable. I would have enjoyed reading this more if emotions were shown inside and outside the characters. What outward signs of emotion did they have? Clenched fists of anger, shaking because of the love they felt, or was it because of rage, or some other reaction? Did they have tingling blood cursing through their vanes as it heated and their love grew?

In your opening sentence you used the word [was] which is past tense. Does this mean she didn't have this home when this story began? Your first sentence could be more dramatic and have a greater impact by reducing the words, rearranging them, and adding much stronger words. For example: I would start with the main character, explain where she lives, and then add in the relationships between her and her family members. I would also consider these questions: what is the importance of each item/situation in the story? What moves the story forward; makes it interesting and adds to the events/characters/scenes? Emotions show realism to what is happening. What do they feel inside and how do they express their feelings on the outside? Gestures such as facial expressions, body movement, or voice inflections?

I wonder about the village and its beauty or specialness. How does each character respond to their environment? What did Kaori consider before ending her life or who ended her life? Was her marriage so awful that she or someone else reacted in such a violent manner?

Thank you for writing and for sharing your word art with me and WdC members. You gave me a lot to think about.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .