Dear russelljadams ,

A Rude Awakening is a suspenseful and intriguing story that captivates the reader from the very beginning. It is skillfully offered, setting the scene with vivid descriptions of a stormy night, creating a tense and mysterious atmosphere. The protagonist finds herself in an unfamiliar and eerie situation, and her journey through the unknown kept this reader engaged.

The story's structure is well-paced, with a gradual buildup of tension as Erin navigates the deserted streets and eventually seeks refuge in an abandoned building. The introduction of the cloaked figure adds a chilling element to the narrative, leaving us eager to learn more about the mystery surrounding him.

One highlight of the story is its ability to evoke a sense of fear and uncertainty. The descriptions of Erin's fear and paranoia are palpable, making the reader share in her anxiety. The sudden appearances and disappearances of the cloaked man add to the suspense, and this left me wondering about his true identity and intentions.

However, I might suggest some areas for improvement in your story:

Character Development
While Erin is the central character, her background and motivations are not explored in depth. Adding more backstory and emotional depth to Erin could help readers connect with her on a deeper level.

Dialogue
The dialogue between Erin and the cloaked figure feels somewhat stilted and could benefit from more natural and engaging exchanges. This would enhance the reader's understanding of the characters and their interactions.

Setting Details
While the descriptions of the storm and the abandoned building are vivid, providing more context about the world Erin finds herself in would enrich the story. Readers may have questions about how she ended up in this situation and what kind of place she has entered.

**The passage that needed the most attention**
The section where Erin encounters the cloaked figure in the hallway could be improved for clarity and tension. The description of the figure appearing and disappearing is intriguing but somewhat confusing. A more gradual and suspenseful buildup to this encounter, along with clearer descriptions of the figure's actions, would heighten the tension and provide a more satisfying reveal. I sometimes plant little clues or foreboding to get readers to play a guessing came or want to keep reading to learn what will happen, with some of those thoughts of endangerment.

In summation, A Rude Awakening is a good read and a promising story with a captivating premise and an atmosphere of suspense. If you decide to enhance it further, focus on your main character with either sufficient backstory or motive or intentions with actions. There might be ways to bump up that dialogue, provide additional setting details, and refine that cloaked figure. You could have a seamless and thrilling narrative when all is done. Maintaining that consistency in your pacing and tension throughout the story will definitely keep readers engaged and eager to uncover the mysteries unraveling within.

This was a pleasure to read and consider for feedback. I hope my comments were not too obtuse and might inspire your further.

Sincerely

Brian
Super Poerr Reviewer


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .