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Review #4733202
Viewing a review of:
 A STORMY NIGHT  [E]
POEM ABOUT THE EARLY DAYS ON AN ISLAND WHERE I GREW UP
by white shark
Review of A STORMY NIGHT  
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Hi white shark .

I'm JACE - House Targaryen , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "A STORMY NIGHT"  in honor of your WDC anniversary.

I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.

*Note1* Overall Impression. While technically, you're not celebrating an anniversary this month. But you did join in February so I'll err on the side of supporting your writing efforts by offering a bit of advice.

Welcome to Writing.Com. I hope you find what you seek in your writing endeavors here. Never hesitate to ask for help if you get stuck. Members here are very helpful.

All that aside, permit me to offer some comments about your poem. First, I'd like to know why you posted it twice. Your thoughts, descriptions, and intensity were readily apparent in your poem. Adding your entire poem a second time just distracts your reader--in this case, me. Consider deleting the second iteration leaving one complete version.

I suggest you read your poem out loud. I believe you'll hear places where the flow of your words is not easy to read. Because you've spent time writing your poem, just reading to yourself makes it easier to skip words here and there while editing. I seldom read every word in a story. When I do a review, I read out loud first.

As a result I found a few places where you added words that are unnessary to moving your poem along, or subject agreement. For example:

Mum nearby comforting us with her softest of tones.
Waves are roaring from outside the windows,
Never turn your back on a storm, you can`t hide from them it.
Finally, check for punctuation--some commas have spaces before them.

*Exclaim* Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

         *Bullet* I think this line would make a stronger statement with a period after 'sea.'   Brings thoughts to mind of earlier days. My dad at sea,  Brings thoughts to mind of earlier days, my dad at sea.

         *Bullet* One last suggestion. Use the linespacing feature to add a little white space between your lines. Adding that spacing will make it easier for your readers and may attract more of them.   To do this, highlight your entire poem, and select the Linespacing icon from the Edit bar at the top of your edit window. Click on 1.4 or 1.6.  

*Star* My Rating.  4.0. 

*Heart* Thank you for sharing this offering, and I look forward to seeing you around in the coming year. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.

Reviewed by
JACE

A new Anniversary Review signature to use, courtesy of [Link To User legerdemain]



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You last responded to this review 02/23/2024 @ 5:33pm EST
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