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Review #4738427
Viewing a review of:
 An Appointment Gone Wrong  [13+]
This is the story of a man going to the hospital.
by John Andrew Jenkins
Review by JACE
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
An Angel Army Review


Hi John Andrew Jenkins .

I'm JACE , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "An Appointment Gone Wrong" .

I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.

*Note1* Overall Impression. You penned your offering as an entry to "The Writer's Cramp" . This is a humorous look at today's medical system. The prompt for this particular contest is not unusual, in my opinion. It looks like you checked the boxes for a positive submission.

Some of your sentences didn't flow easily when reading it. For example, your sentence I've spent half my life in the same medical school course and they've told me over and over again .... This caused me to stop reading. I didn't understand what you were trying to say here.

Please adjust your spacing. It was very hard to read as currently written. All the spacing is the same whether from line to line and line to paragraph. Reading is much easier when the spacing within paragraphs are single, and between paragraphs are double.

*Exclaim* Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

         *Bullet* Your ellipsis in the first instance is not actually required. An ellipsis usually signifies missing words. Also, while using it to signify a pause, using it twice in the same paragraph seems overkill.  I've already delivered my diagnosis. AND, Just to ... clear the air.  Be sure to add a space before and after the ellipsis.

*Star* My Rating.  3.5. 

*Heart* Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.


Reviewed by
JACE

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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 03/21/2024 @ 9:41am EDT
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