*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4742259
Review #4742259
Viewing a review of:
 Paying The Bill  [18+]
Jeff and Susan have car trouble. Horror Writing Contest May 2023.
by Dave Ryan
Review of Paying The Bill  
Review by Lornda
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Hello, Dave Ryan
*Balloonb* An "Anniversary Reviews"  gift for you! *Balloonb*


*Sun* I enjoyed reading your story! I think for the small word count you did a good job of telling the whole story. I'm not a fan of starting things off with dialog, but it did jump right into the scene to hook me in. It did have some mysterious undertones to it as I read a long, and I wanted to know what was going to happen next. There was a twist at the end. Way to go!

*Sun* The only feedback I can give you is to watch how many characters you have in a short word count. It was kind of hard to follow who was who at times. It did flow along okay, but I had to stop to think about who was talking and what these guys were all thinking. If this was for a contest with a word count then I totally understand why you had to move it along.

*Sun* Overall, I enjoyed the story, and it did work up to an interesting ending. Was it horror? I'm not too sure, because I kind of smirked at the end. Lol! I guess with the amount of guys around, it would take awhile, eh? I thought you did well with structuring the story to reveal the outcome one piece at a time. Even thought there were many characters in the scene, I thought the dialog did a good job at moving the story forward. Keep up the great writing!

*Swords* Lornda




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/06/2024 @ 5:45pm EDT
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4742259