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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4742671
Review #4742671
Viewing a review of:
 Message in a Bottle  [E]
A man finds a bottle on a beach with a desperate plea for help
by Detective
Review by Lornda
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Hello, Detective !


*Sun* I enjoyed reading your story! I thought it was a good concept for a mystery, and the opening paragraph did a fine job on setting the scene with the main character. As the story progressed, it got into the deeper details of what he found. It was cool that the note was an actual letter from someone asking for help. It added to the mysterious tone to the story!

*Sun* There were a couple of snags that slowed it down for me, but it's totally up to you if you want to edit it.

...soda bottle or a beer battle but... *Pointright* beer [bottle]

...cover up their guilt by pin the ... *Pointright* [pinning]

This sentences needs to be clarified: ...property as there are the inn’s two boats are unusable.

He listened to the other line ring until it was picked. *Pointright* picked up

There's no doubt I was hooked into the story. I only had an issue with the ending because it was too abrupt, so I'm not sure if the story continues on somewhere else or it's your plan to expanded on it.


*Sun* I think the story is a good one and with the mystery started, it would be great to see where the story will go next. The main character of Robert was easy to get to know, and I also felt his panic as he read the letter. I enjoyed reading it and I liked how the mystery genre was developed. Keep up the great work!

*Swords* Lornda





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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/10/2024 @ 6:20pm EDT
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