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Review #4743098
Viewing a review of:
 MY MOM IS THE WORST COOK IN THE WORLD!  [E]
Some moms are wonderful cooks, I wish mine was.
by Nanapockets
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
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Oh my goodness, I’m not sure whether to take this seriously as an autobiographical story or assume it’s an exaggerated fiction. It reminds me of the John Ciardi poem, Mommy Slept Late and Daddy Fixed Breakfast. I enjoyed reading the rollicking misadventures of the narrator’s mom as they tried to create edible food. That thing about adding food coloring - blergh *Sick* That reminds me of an old science experiment where they made people sit down and eat in a room where the light was green or red or purple or something, and it made everyone barf because the food looked gross under the crazy colored light.

First thing I would suggest is to not use all caps in the title, as that is considered shouting, and for a child’s voice and POV that would be quite rude. Then, “all of the things that was on the list” should be “were on the list.” Then, a word count would be nice to have, as I believe this qualifies as flash fiction. You can also center and underline the title heading.

Everything else is fine; you’ve captured the simple voice of the child quite well as they tell the absurd tale, and included plenty of concrete details that show us the situations.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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