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Review #4743996
Viewing a review of:
 Clandestine Services  [ASR]
Let's get out of here! Daily Flash Fiction Challenge entry.
by Jeff
Review by Jayne
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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This is a "Game of Thrones"  review!



Hello, Jeff!

*Checkb*Overall Impression:
This was a fun twist on a heist/espionage story.

*Checkb*Title and Description:
I love the title, and it's great that you included both a description and the contest information in the description box.

*Checkb*Hook and plot:
We're dropped into a narrator telling us it's a clandestine operation after the janitor's gone home, so yes, hook planted and curiosity piqued. But as the plot unfolds, it takes a comedy turn. The shift from suspense to comedy is well-executed and genuinely funny, leading to a satisfying resolution for the reader.

The structure of the plot supports its pacing and tone, making for an enjoyable read. In terms of genre, this is a light touch on mystery; it definitely fits into the comedy framework more easily. But I'm the one always telling people to pick three genres so people can find your work, so I guess I can't say too much more than "good job!" with that one.

If you have the word count or the time, having your characters a minor obstacle (even something as simple as a locked door somewhere) could help play up the suspense and give your characters more room to chat and build their characters.

*Checkb*Characters and dialogue:
The characters have enough details for the size of the story, and their action and limited dialogue make sense and provide levity during their 'very serious' mission. It's a good contrast between the more experienced 'operative' and the less experienced novice.

Again, if you have the word count or time, adding a bit more back-and-forth banter could help differentiate their personalities a little more.

*Checkb*Grammar and Mechanics:
There are no problems in either area.

*Checkb*Final Thoughts:
This is a nice piece of lighthearted entertainment and a great comedy story.

Thank you for sharing your work with us!

Jayne *Smile*



My approach to reviews: "I'll Explain, but not Disclaim" 



The views and opinions in this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and, therefore, do not necessarily reflect the group, activity, and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer, and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/12/2024 @ 12:19am EDT
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