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 Review #4744930 |
 | Upstaged  [E] A story of an illusionist being upstaged by her assistant.  |
| (4.0)  This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" ! Hi GERVIC 🐉 House Targaryen .I'm JACE , and I have the honor of reviewing your offering "Upstaged" . This is one of two reviews for you as part of Tedious Citadel task 43.The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer, and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.  Overall Impression. You are indeed a trusted member of WDC. Your assistance in the Help forms, and your overall participation across the site have been an inspiration to many here. I see your anniversary is coming up next month; I'll be back to root around your Port once again.As for this humble offering: it's a fairly new offering created less than a month ago. It's easy to read (your spacing and font size are greatly appreciated for these old eyes). Far too many stick with the default font and size, which I maintain is too small. I hate to admit large-print books may be in my near future. And while I didn't realize it initially, the use of a full justified font worked well. I found it interesting that both your characters were female. Normally, one thinks of a male illusionist with a female assistant. I'm pretty sure your final ending could not have happened with a male and female. The male would have been too threatened. Using the two women was inspired. Your writing is fun to read. Your descriptions translate into picture in my mind. I was amazed that Irene was able to maintain her composure while the ensuing chaos was taking place. I felt a little lost as to how Daphnie was able to step into that role of "Weaver of Wonders". Apparently, both absorbed the chaos into the show. But I didn't understand how meek sidekick Daphnie could become the portal for that chaos. Yes, I understand the prompt required her to ... but how? I guess my obvious question is what caused the chaos to manifest, and how did it choose Daphnie? As a reader I feel there should be more to the story.  Technical Considerations. Ellipses should be used sparingly. They tend to stick out when used too often. I know as I'm prone to over-using them. When they are used, be sure there's a space before and after the ellipse. Perhaps consider using dashes instead of an ellipse in this instance. "The things--the stage, the props--they whisper to me, Irene. My Rating. 4.0. Thank you for sharing your offering.
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