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Review #4744998
Viewing a review of:
 Solar Eclipse  [13+]
The year is 2135. Europe is excited for the solar eclipse. But something's just not right.
by MayDay
Review of Solar Eclipse  
Review by Annette
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.


Hello MayDay

First impression:

The ominous warning in the intro line that "something is not quite right" definitely hit me when I read that people were using headsets to interact with the solar eclipse.

What works:

Victoria's feeling of being pulled into two directions by two children was well narrated. This is the kind of stuff moms around the world navigate every day. Although this seems to be a smallish venue, it's always a jittery moment to leave one kid behind, but with Grace already run off, Victoria didn't have much choice but to go with her.

What needs work:

Alexandria watched through the protective goggles as the moon fully covered the sun. *Right* Should Alexandria be Victoria? Little name confusion. There is mom who is Victoria and Alex who waited in the car.

They all vanished immediately, every single European touching an eclipse headset. *Right* This sentence needs a little work. I understand what you mean with it. It's just the way that the sentence is structured that seems to be backward. I think it would make more sense if "Every single European who was touching an eclipse headset vanished instantly (or immediately if you like that better)."

Final thoughts:

This story leaves me wondering where did they go? What will happen to Alex? How many Europeans had that headset? And finally, why didn't Alex want to go and see the eclipse? He seems old enough to just stay at home. But of course, there is more drama with a kid left behind after a bunch of people get zapped into space. Or somewhere.

Annette
"The WDC Angel Army" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/21/2024 @ 1:39pm EDT
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