%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4745800 |
 | The astral collection  [E] flash fiction about a little girl that astral travels and brings back something  |
| (3.5)| Hallo! I visited your portfolio because it is your WDC Anniversary. The title and brief description interested me so I clicked on this item. This concept has a lot of potential. I like the idea of the child astral traveling and the mother having a collection of items resulting from this wandering. I know flash fiction has its limitations, but I somehow felt that the potential hadn't quite been met in this story. Even within the word count, there is scope to do more - give some sort of twist or add something ... ? Also, another thing that jarred me was the amount of 'telling' in the story. Things like 'approached her daughter's bed' seem a bit redundant. This could be a really great story. If you work on it some more I'd be happy to re-visit it and re-rate it! Suggestions: 'Amy's grasped' - Amy's grasp 'sweet heart' - sweetheart (one word) 'book shelf' - bookshelf (one word) 'about it," She ' - no need for a capital 'S' Happy WDC Anniversary Write On, Sonali  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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