"The Iron Bank of Braavos"  "Game of Thrones" 

My name is Angelica, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Guardians of the night

First Impression: A storm is coming and it can be felt in the character's mind. This nightmare has come out and risen. The shadows have returned. (Now this seems to be reality.) The police came apologizing and explaining that the character's parents had died in a car accident. Then the character switches to the scene of the accident. The bridge gave away. The character was given a flash drive. Then the scene changes back to reality.

Good details worked throughout the introduction. It gives a sense of horror of the details of the nightmares. I believe the police officer scene is that of reality though. So much is going on in so little time. That storm before the police officers came foreshadowed the car accident, though I couldn't guess what bad exactly happened. It seemed as if the nightmare got mixed with her reality. Shadows coming for the character. Is the character trying to hide from these shadows? Reading more would help understand.

What needs your attention: No spelling or grammar errors found.

The paragraphs could use some space in between. To correct this problem just enter twice. Enough so there's a gap between the paragraphs. That would make this easier to read.

What part I liked best: The details of the storm coming and of the storm itself. Though the car accident was a bad thing, I loved the details written in a manner describing the car accident.

Overall impression: Great work overall. I think the details really stand out. It would help to add the space between paragraphs to make it easier to read. There is a lot of potential with strengthening this chapter to make it easier to read. It might help to differentiate reality from nightmare a bit more. Good job and keep up the good work!

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

What does the Fox say?????

Listen Carefully

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .