Review of The Last Train Ticket

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Review #4747858

Viewing a review of:

The Last Train Ticket

[13+]
Tanner inherits a train ticket.
by Beholden

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4747858

Review of The Last Train Ticket

Review by Lornda

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Access: Public | Hide Review (?)

"Game of Thrones"

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Hello, Beholden

I'm stopping by to read your latest "The Writer's Cramp"

entry! I see you only had a title as the prompt. I think you did a great job with surrounding it with a mysterious story about the train ticket. I thought the first paragraph did a good job with drawing me in to read more. I think it set the scene with a mystery about who the great uncle was and it also set the scene for the mystery to continue. I really like the structure of the story because it didn't give too much away too soon. I honestly just about died at the ending.

I think the horror genre would describe it nicely. Lol!

I know what it's been like to write for GoT, so there were a couple of typos, but I'm still giving you full stars because I know you will edit this story a few times--probably.

I think it's a matter of typing too fast! This sentence needs attention: THe room was quite crowded with people sitting and standing everywhere in front of a desk, where sat a man looking at a document spread out before him.

First the word, [The] and then I'm not sure if the last part needs to be reworded...maybe, something like this: ...a desk, where [a man sat] looking... There also this little slip to look at: Conversa\tion broke out...

I enjoyed reading your mystery story! I will tell you, though, it's going to take me a long time to recover from the ending.

Well done!