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Review #4747925
Viewing a review of:
The Last Train Ticket  [E]
An old train and old memories
by James Vogner
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#4747925
Review by Lornda
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Hello, James Vogner !


*Sun* Welcome to Writing.Com! I'm reviewing your recent entry that I found at the "The Writer's Cramp - Poetry Week" . I enjoyed reading your story! It tells an emotional story about an elderly gentleman on a train, and he's thinking of the past. I liked how the emotional thread carried on right through it all, and you painted a nice visual with your descriptions. *Stary*

*Sun* I liked that it jumped into the scene quick at the beginning. It helped a lot in getting to know the main character fast. As far as any feedback, there were a couple of things that slowed the reading down. I did have to read it a couple of times to get it into my head. Lol! It's mostly in the first paragraph, but it's the way the sentences were strung a long, and it could be just me who thinks it slows down. Here's an example: ...the day before she [passed. Wished] she... *Pointright* It's almost like a word is missing or not a complete thought to start the sentence. There's also a typo here: ...set off the dynomite... Should be dynamite.

*Sun* Overall, a touching story to read! About halfway, I thought that something might happen to the elderly gentleman. I enjoyed the descriptions of what he saw as the train drove by and it would bring the memories back of his wife. I thought this line sounded so poetic *Pointright* A grove of Aspens up ahead glittered a brilliant gold in the fall sun. There were a few of these descriptions which gave a wonderful visual of the scene. It was a beautiful last line to finish it off with the title. Nicely done! *Stary*

*Swords* Lornda




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/27/2024 @ 12:20am EDT
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