This week: Family Matters Edited by: Kit  
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Family matters, but family matters are complicated and what works for one does not always work for another.
This week's Drama Newsletter is all about families - both good and bad.
Kit |
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Family matters. For most of us they are with us from the moment we are born, teaching us about the world and laying the foundation for who we are.
On the whole, that is a good thing. Families, when all is well, are units of love and support in which we can safely grow and explore and discover our likes and dislikes, our skills and talents, and our dreams for the future. Whilst not perfect – parents are human, too, and they will make some mistakes along the way – just the knowledge of being loved and that there are these people who’ve got your back makes all the difference when you stumble and fall on the road to growing up. There will be some bad times, some less-than-good memories, but the good times and memories far outweigh them, and in the end we are glad that we ended up a member of this unique group of people.
Or, that’s how I imagine it’s supposed to go. Families can go wrong. Horribly wrong. Mine is not actually too bad, for all that it’s messed up and has these layers of secrets that I don’t think I will ever be able to uncover. It’s probably best that I don’t. Some families, though… some families are toxic. I have no other word.
I will always remember my best friend in primary school. She lived across the road from the school, so it was natural for me to stop by there regularly after class. The house was always untidy – clothes everywhere, dirty dishes on the kitchen counters – but as a kid I didn’t pay much attention to that. There were several children in the house and my own room could get messy, so it was no big deal. I did wonder why the place always smelled of urine. And why my friend used to get nice clothes on her birthday, but never actually wore them.
I later learned that in addition to living in a general state of neglect, it went like this: her parents would invite people over to celebrate my friend’s birthday, and my friend would be made to show off the clothes she was given, and her new toys, and act happy and grateful, and the next day those clothes and toys were returned to the shops, and the money went back into the parents’ wallets. Year after year this took place, so my friend will have known, yet still had to stand there in front of everyone, the oh-so-happy and grateful child.
I’ve also had a friend who was under so much pressure to perform well at school that it had a major impact on her mental health. If she scored anything less than an A in any subject she was berated both at home and at school. And I knew this poor guy whose parents couldn’t, seemingly, cope with the fact that he was growing up. Even though he was in his teens, he was only permitted to watch shows like Sesame Street, and read books meant for small children, and outside of school he wasn’t permitted to spend time with his peers. Is it any wonder that, as soon as they could, these people put as much distance as possible between themselves and their parents?
I often see the message that we ought to be grateful to our parents. That we must love and respect them, honour and obey them. That’s all very well when you have parents who love and respect you, honour and care for you, but that’s sadly not always the case. As writers and as friends we must be careful about the message that we send. Family matters, yes, but family matters are complicated and what works for one does not always work for another. And sometimes, members of a family are better off apart.
Kit
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Drama: October 20, 2021 Issue [#11038]
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