This week: When Priorities Clash Edited by: THANKFUL SONALI Now What?  
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"Why can't they understand?"
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Dear Reader,
When my niece got engaged, various family members gathered to celebrate. Gathered?
Dad and I went for the celebration thinking we'd get time to meet up with folks we hadn't met personally for years. We were all going to be in the same hotel for about 20 hours, after all. Surely we'd chat, reminisce, find out what's going on in whose life.
None of the above.
Everyone was busy getting their hair done, or their nails, or dressing up, and when we were together the music was so loud we couldn't hear each other shout, so we gave up talking. We did get an hour together over breakfast, during which we chatted some and folks said they had to get going or they'd miss their flight some.
I was disappointed. Where were the trips down memory lane, the in-jokes, the exchange of what's happening in our lives? Disappeared, under the hair spray, nail polish, loud music and flight schedules.
My cousin was thinking of her daughter, now of marriageable age. Had the prospective bride looked good enough to catch the eye of the community's match-makers? Had she, the prospective mother-in-law, achieved the right balance between traditional and cool? The hair, make up and clothes were very important -- had they been just right?
My nephews had skipped the main course in the buffet and gone directly to the desserts. They were comparing which of the fifteen different desserts was each one's favourite.
Was the celebration a success?
Depends on your priorities. From the sound of it, it was a resounding success for the dessert chef. I haven't asked if my niece received any marriage-proposals as a result of her hair and make up, so I don't know if my cousin thought it a success. And you already know, or have judged by my sarcastic tone, that it was a failure for me.
And this will determine our responses to future events of this nature. Dad and I, for example, didn't attend the wedding. The others did. Oh, Dad and I had our legitimate reasons. I've had eye surgeries and it might not be advisable to take a flight due to the cabin pressure. Dad has arthritis and his mobility is compromised. The thing is, we used those reasons and didn't try to work our way round them to attend.
What does this imply for the mystery writer? That it all begins with priorities, expectations met or un-met and builds up to responses to future situations.
Here's another example ... something I'm currently going through.
There's a young lady I joined up with to help me market my 'creativity' workshops. We've been working together for four years now. Well, we were to do a workshop together last week, but it turned out that was a long weekend, people were out of town, so we didn't get any responses. I was all ready with the materials for the workshop.
I moved from the workshop venue (where I'd waited in case of walk-in responses) to a cafe where I do my Harry Potter events. There, I found the place empty except for the volunteers who run the cafe. I thought I'd do the workshop for them, gratis, since I was all set for it. I tried to call my marketing partner but she didn't answer, so I texted her that I'm at the cafe, and she replied with a  .
The volunteers loved the workshop and asked me to do it at the cafe, for a wider audience. So I texted her that that's what had happened, that I'd call her when she was less busy, and she replied 'Good'.
Later that evening I got a rant-message from her, saying I had gone ahead on my own and not considered her. I explained that I had tried to call, and had texted her through each step of the way. Things had evolved, and I had kept her informed and said I'd call later and she had responded, with and 'Good'.
Turns out another collaborator, with whom she had actually evolved the content, had done the event elsewhere without her and taken all the credit. She was still smarting from that and assumed I had similar motives. I had to remind her that in this case, she was only helping me market - the content was mine. Also, I had kept her informed as events unfolded, I hadn't done it secretly, and we could've collaborated on the one at the cafe after discussing it.
This is still happening. We haven't spoken after that conversation. I'm not sure if it has affected our working relationship or not, I hope not. But this is another example of her previous experience assigning motives to this experience and acting accordingly. Her priority was to protect herself from being sidelined again, mine was to go ahead and do a workshop I was physically, mentally and emotionally prepared for.
Do all motives begin with priorities? Do all actions stem from that motive? Something to think about ... !
Thanks for listening!
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Mystery: November 22, 2023 Issue [#12261]
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