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SHORT STORY NEWSLETTER |
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SHIFTS
What is a shift? It's an unncessary change from one kind of construction to another - for example, from present to past tense, from active to passive voice, from an indirect to a direct quotation. Any kind of shift hampers communication by focusing the reader's attention on the syntax rather than on the message. Hence, when editing your short story, watch for shifts that you may have created in early drafts when you were concentrating on ideas rather than grammatical structure.
Some of the more common shift errors noticed in stories can be broken down into several categories:
 Shifts in Verb Tenses
Shifts with Can/Could or Will/Would
Shifts in Mood
Shifts in Voice
Shifts in Number
Shifts in Person
Continuing from where we left off, this week, we will focus on:
 SHIFTS WITH CAN/COULD OR WILL/WOULD
Conversational English allows a casual use of the auxiliaries can, could, will and would. But in written English, the conventions for the use of these words are rather strict. In general, follow these guidelines.
 Use can with will and could with would.
Use can with will with present tense and time.
Use could and would with past tense and time.
SHIFTED: If I could borrow a car, I will go to the dance.
CONSISTENT: If I could borrow a car, I would go to the dance.
CONSISTENT: If I can borrow a car, I will go to the dance.
SHIFTED: Jaffe predicts[present] that current trends could double the shortage in ten years.
CONSISTENT: Jaffe predicts[present] that current trends can double the shortage in ten years.
CONSISTENT: Jaffe predicted[past] that current trends could double the shortage in ten years.
SHIFTED: If the trees are cut down[present], the house would lose its charm.
CONSISTENT: If the trees are cut down[present], the house will lose its charm.
CONSISTENT: If the trees were cut down[present], the house would lose its charm.
SHIFTS IN MOOD
The indicative is the verb mood most common in prose. But sometimes, for special meanings, you use the imperative or subjunctive mood. You can mix moods when the logic of a passage demands the shift, but an unnecessary or illogical shift results in awkward prose.
SHIFTED: If I were[subjunctive] an honor student and I was[indicative] ready to graduate, I would apply to a medical school.
CONSISTENT: If I were[subjunctive] an honor student and I were[sujunctive] ready to graduate, I would apply to a medical school.
SHIFTED: In one day, eat[imperative] no more than 30 milligrams of cholesterol, and you should drink[indicative] no more than 4 ounces of alcohol.
CONSISTENT: In one day, eat[imperative] no more than 30 milligrams of cholesterol, and you drink[imperative] no more than 4 ounces of alcohol.
CONSISTENT: In one day, should eat[indicative] no more than 30 milligrams of cholesterol, and you should drink[indicative] no more than 4 ounces of alcohol.
SHIFTS IN VOICE
The term voice refers to whether the subject of a sentence performs the action (active voice) or receives the action (passive voice). You should not shift, without good reason, between active and passive voice - particularly within a sentence. A shift in voice usually results in an awkward and cumbersome sentence.
SHIFTED: In the eighteenth century, Noah Webster set out[active] to make American English independent from British English; and through his books, great influence was exerted[passive] on the language.
CONSISTENT: In the eighteenth century, Noah Webster set out to make American English independent from British English; and through his books, he exerted great influence on the language.
SHIFTS IN NUMBER
The term number refers to singular (one) and plural (more than one). You should not shift carelessly between singular and plural nouns that should have the same number.
SHIFTED: Beekeepers wear protective veils over their face.
REVISED: Beekeepers wear protective veils over their faces.
SHIFTED: Frequently, a person exercise to relieve stress. As a result, people sometimes become psychologically dependent on excessive exercising.
REVISED: Frequently, people exercise to relieve stress and, as a result, sometimes become psychologically dependent on excessive exercising.
SHIFTS IN PERSON
The term person refers to the first person (I, we), second person (you), and third person (all other pronouns and all nouns). Shifts in person usually involve you and a noun. If you are directly addressing your reader, you can revise these shifts by using you consistently. However, if you are referring to a group of people in general, revising in the third person is the better solution.
SHIFTED: Off campus students should use the bus system because you get frustrated trying to park every day.
REVISED IN SECOND PERSON: If you live off campus, you should use the bus system because you will get frustrated trying to park every day.
REVISED IN THIRD PERSON: Off campus students should use the bus system because they get frustrated trying to park every day.
Some of you have suggested I create an item to house most of the topics I write about, and I've done so here: "Kiya's Big Book of Writing Guidelines" I'm really glad they are helpful to many of you. Thank you for reading and good luck with your writing. 
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Since we are celebrating WDC's 7th Birthday this week, here are a few stories/activities to celebrate the site!
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FEEDBACK!
 Thank you for taking the time to review Shifts. Tenses seem to be one of those things that are easy to mess up on. Do you think you could do the proper use of commas next? Please. I seem to have a lot of issues with those. Anyway, great job, thank you for taking the time to go in depth and give great examples. - lynnamyakar
All your newsletters are helpful, but this one on verb tenses was the most helpful yet. I will be referring back to this newsletter for a long time to come. Thanks for the hard work. The Dixie Writer. - Haley Frances 
Hi. Thanks for writing this. It's a great reminder. I noticed (and fixed) a verb tense-shifting problem in a poem I wrote last night. Now I'm going to have to go back and check all my short stories! - mawitty
Thanks for the great newsletter. I'm always on the look out for changed tenses and the perfect tenses always mess me up. This really helped! - sean223
Concerning shifts in voice: It can be done to help create a particular mood. For instance, in one item I've got on WDC, I shifted between third person and first person to convey the chaos in the hero, a young man who recently joined up with the army. I think it had the proper effect, but every reviewer points out that I switch tenses. - Breezy-E ~ In College
Awesome Newsletter, Kiya! They are always packed full of great advice and tips! Keep up the good work! - kelly1202
Excellent newsletter! You really laid it out nicely, and showed examples that should be easy for anyone to follow! - darkin
Thank you Kiya. Shifting tenses is the sort of subtle issue I have trouble with. It happens often when I write something in fits and starts. - nomlet 
"Hopefully" you say? Try most definitely. This topic comes is a huge percentile of time spent sharing reviews, and/or, of seeing misses in many reads. Your effort here was to the point, and CLEARLY exemplified for constant referencing. What needs "hoping for"... is that many will see it, and USE it. - DRSmith
Hey Kiya! This is a lovely nesletter! Very researched and well-done! You never cease to amaze me!Great job!  - jessiegirl
thank you so much for highlighting my newest short story- I was quite surprised to see it listed in your newsletter! - MandiK~ : p
great subject! Another one that we all need. Thanks - spazmom
Thanks. this newsletter gave me some tips to use in one of my short stories. - andromeda
Kiya, I loved your newsletter about the differences in tenses and when to use them. They were very informative. If it's one that annoys me as a reader, it's reading a story with mixed tenses. Two thumbs up! - StephBee - GOT Survivor 
Hi Kiya, excellent newsletter. It was very helpful and I can find a lot of information in such a small space. Thanks for the info on tenses, I know I have some work to do on that sometimes. - trainwalker
Great newsletter sweetie` :) - Starr Phenix 
Thanks for all the comments! Please feel free to keep sending them in. I always enjoy reading your feedback.
Reference Source: The Rineheart Handbook for Writers
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Short Stories: September 05, 2007 Issue [#1930]
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