  Romance/Love
This week: Love Seen Through a Different Glass Edited by: fyn  
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"Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart"~~Eleanor Roosevelt
"My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me."~~Henry Ford
"A friend is one before whom I may think aloud."~~Ralph Waldo Emerson
"We are all travelers in the wilderness of this world, and the best we can find in our travels is an honest friend"~~Robert Louis Stevenson
"You can always tell a real friend; when you've made a fool of yourself, he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job."~~Laurence Sterne
"Blessed are they who have the gift of making friends, for it is one of God's best gifts. It involves many things, but above all, the power of going out of one's self, and appreciating whatever is noble and loving in another."~--Helen Keller
"No distance of place or lapse of time can lessen the friendship of those
who are throughout persuaded of each other's worth."~~Robert Southey. |
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Aside from the fact that we (usually) love our family members--parents, children, and/or siblings and we love our significant others, in a world where the word 'love' is often over used, there is yet another layer of love. Neither family based--(though we may consider them every bit as such) nor of a romantic nature, there is the deep, abiding love of 'the best friend.' Yet that term really doesn't do the significance of the concept justice.
I am talking the forever kind of friend who knows you, sometimes, better than you know yourself. The one who won't let you get away with selling yourself short, deluding yourself to avoid realizations or ever, ever let you down. The sort you could call in the middle of the night because you need to talk, the one whom you guard their feelings and aspirations every bit as much as your own because they are that important to you.
It matters not if they are the same sex as you. And this is where sometimes, people simply just don't get it. But, hopefully, they do. Because the friendship is such that it can do nothing but add to who a person is and that translates only into goodness for all concerned. This is a person in whom you have implicit trust, unyielding faith and a connection at some deep level of the intrinsic you-ness which is echo-ed in the other.
Often this can happen (hopefully) between spouses (I'm lucky there *smile*) but it can also happen between best buddies, best girlfriends or simply between a man and a woman who have no romantic entanglements at all. They are simply friends in the deepest sense of the word.
Yet this is often misunderstood, seen as 'threatening' or in some other way construed to be less than acceptable. Real world and in writing. Why are there so few stories using the fact that two people can achieve this closeness and be, simply, friends? In much of my reading, it seems that such a friendship evolves into a romance. And I disagree with that scenario. Friends are every bit as much of the glue that can keep us from disintegrating as family or spouses. They are the ones you can 'blather' to when you need to vent, spazz or otherwise complain when one doesn't want to burden someone else or maybe needs reassurance.
Yet there seems to be this need (perhaps) to hide such friendships, to keep them locked away, in the shadows, so that they aren't perceived as threatening or taking away from another relationship when, in fact, they but add to it, if truth be known.
Some friends come and go as we wend our way through life. Our interests or commonalities change, our circles change and intersect in different ways, our focus shifts and friends drift apart. People lose touch, get married, change names or get lost as we shuffle along our mortal coil. These too, are good friends, who 'know us' and with whom we have special shared memories, experiences and moments. But then, there are those who never vanish, who, regardless of age, space, time, or life altering events stay connected. Ones with whom we feel this bond so strongly, that to lose them would be like losing a part of ourselves, thus it doesn't happen. The drifting do to one moving or getting married or changing jobs doesn't happen because the connection is too strong, vital and clear through our being.
These aren't convenient friends, for often, these are the friends that we'd drop everything for, to whom a mere distance of several thousand miles would mean nothing and we'd move heaven and earth to 'be there' for them should they need it. Why? Just because. These are the friends that totally 'get' the who and what we are with no pretense, no expectations, no agenda and no excuses. We take and love them because they are who and what they are--no matter what. They are rare, special and incredibly important to us.
I've been fortunate in my life to have had, aside from my hubby, (who I'll admit started as lover, then went to just excellent friends for twenty years through separate relationship ups and downs, grief over losing parents, kid woes and individual joys and accomplishments and then evolved back into being both best friends and partners) three friends such as these. None live close, yet the two who are still alive, are ever but a phone call or email away. One is male. One is female. Although not related, I consider them family. . . with all the entitlements that that additional connection conveys. One I've known for over ten years but it feels as if I've know that person forever. The other, except by phone, I've never met. Yet. We will. And it won't change a thing. Both are welcome in our home, both have the 'standing' invitation and both are incredible people who are possibly as different as two people can be. Yet each of them looks forward to meeting the other, an occasion I look forward to with complete glee! And I am so completely the true 'me' with both: no fear, no wavering, no doubt. I love them both. Their friendship is truly priceless to me.
These sorts of relationships translate well into written word, yet there is little in evidence of folks using them in their writing. Why is the 'best friend' always the same sex? Why is it that people can't seem to accept that people can have relationships that are simply that? I think that there should be more use of this in our writing and it can be a valuable way to show the truth behind a character, because it is our 'best' friends in whom we confide, share problems, use as sounding boards, are free to be 'us' with and get as big a kick out of joys as the one to whom it has happened. They can be used to show depth of character, an honest look into who lies beyond the surface, and a way of letting the internal fears, worries and skeletons and joys be communicated to the reader.
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LeBuert  says: A very informative, interesting and well written newsletter. I especially liked the three excerpts that you included; it was quite enlightening!
JACE  writes: Thanks, Miss Fyn. This is one newsletter I'm saving. Your statement sums it up for me: "While dialogue can move a story forward, it is the settings that bring it to life." Thanks for reminding me dialogue isn't everything. I've always known that, but lately seemed to have forgotten it. 
Thanks :) |
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Romance/Love: March 30, 2011 Issue [#4320]
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