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This week: Comedy, One Line At a Time Edited by: Sssssh! I'm not really here.  
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One liners have their place in comedy. As always, when one ventures into bringing laughter to an audience, timing is key. |
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Hello, folks! Welcome to another edition of the Comedy Newsletter. I’ve been asked many times how do I come up with certain words, phrases or responses that result in laughter. The truth is folks, you only need to find an opening to get that one liner out.
There are ways to do this, I call it the “set-up,” whereby you the speaker, curve your conversation in a way that will result in the listener responding as expected, then comes the amusing one liner, you were prepared to make. Thus, not all funny lines are shot from the hip, but rather, they are set-up. Oh and there are times when it’s just pure luck!
There are quick witters or those who can think on their feet in an awkward situation, which changes the mood from serious to funny. In this scenario, there is an unexpected opening whereby a response pours out naturally.
I was at a dinner with a couple relatives talking about their daughter’s brother-in-law, who had recently become a minister. The poor guy was so nervous getting up to the pulpit at his first service. Even with a prepared speech, he stumbled. It’s understandable of course, we all have been there at one time or another. Awkward situation, indeed!
Well, it seems he misquoted his own sermon by telling the members that today’s sermon will be about helping the needless and homely people in the congregation. 
He ended up red-faced and struggling through the rest of the service.
After hearing that, I said, He should have responded, “Now that I have your attention” and then go on with the sermon when the laughter, that he supposedly initiated on purpose, ceased.
What a great way to turn around a very awkward situation! This is an example of why humor is so important, especially in our fast-paced, stressed-out society. Infusing a little humor can break the ice and lessen the burdens that so many carry upon their shoulders.
Surprise set-up (Or pure luck): This is when a conversation takes place that I personally didn’t set-up, but rather, the speaker set herself up.
Several years ago, one of my daughters became a massage therapist. After a couple years, she called me and told me she was thinking of going to school to become a mortician. Folks, you can imagine how many lines you could come-up with in that type of conversation. see "Comedy Newsletter (April 27, 2011)" .
Example:
“Web~Daughter, I don’t understand why you’d give up massage therapy. I mean, either way, you’re going to be working on stiff joints.”
“But Web~Mom, There will always be work and I can make a lot of money in that field.”
“Yes, Web~Daughter, that’s true, but have you ever tried to collect money from a dead person?” 
Real life situation, opportunity knocks, can’t resist-type of humor:
WW isn’t the only one with a quick wit in the family. Web-Son has his moments, also. We had a fire in the basement near the firebox of the antique fireplaces in our home. WS smelled the smoke that morning and found that both fireplaces were cold, thus, it couldn’t be them causing the smoke. While he called 911, WL and I tried to grab a few basic necessities: computers, tax documents and something to eat. "Comedy Newsletter (March 3, 2010)"
The conversation I heard between my son and the dispatch went something like this:
“Hello, I want to report a fire in the basement.”
The dispatch person said she’d connect him with the town on call, closest to our tiny hamlet. Then another dispatch person asked WS questions about the fire.
Dispatch: “Are you certain it’s a fire and not just the ashes in the fireplace?”
WS: “Yes, the smoke is in the basement.”
Dispatch: “What is your location?”
Web-Son gives her the address.
Dispatch:“Okay, thank you. Now, can you give me a description of your house?”
WS: (Drum roll, please) “Yes, it’s the house that’s on fire!”
Example of the subject-oriented set-up:
One day WL and I were talking about certain professions and how my parents wanted me to grow up to be a nurse. I told WL, a doctor, that I could never become a nurse. You see, folks, I knew that there were some requirements of math knowledge in order to become a nurse.( I’m sure it’s a very reasonable prerequisite, since you are expected to work on living beings who put their trust and faith in your expertise.) The medical professionals had things like grams and centimeters. And we all know, WW doesn’t do math! "Comedy Newsletter (August 19, 2009)"
Web-Lock valiantly defended the medical profession by stating what a noble cause it is and how a loving person such as I, would have been a great attribute to the profession. Can you sense the set-up coming?
“You know, Web~Witch, I must have saved at least five-hundred lives with my keen knowledge and experience. I should also add that I’ve donated blood. I’ve probably saved thousands of people with the gallons of blood I’ve given over the years!”
“ WL, do you have any idea how many lives I’ve saved by not becoming a nurse? I bet it’s more than yours.”
And, even newsletter feedback can give you a fine opening for a one liner:
A user’s comments in response to the above mentioned newsletter: “I found your story hilarious but your ending is dark comedy, because the doctor saved lives in a positive way and you saved lives in a negative way.”
My response: I don't think the patients cared if I saved their lives in a negative way, they are just happy to be alive!
These are just a few examples of how to grab an opportunity in a conversation that can result in a humorous response. Below you will find some brilliant ones. Enjoy!
Henny Youngman.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
Jay Leno:
The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.
Bob Hope:
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
Sam Levenson:
Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.
Mark Twain
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
Mae West:
I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
That’s all she wrote for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter.
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
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soem quotes & quips through my observations about my job... in a funeral home.
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Sum1 
WebWitch,
You know, I absolutely love your sense of comedy; some of your stories leave me in stitches it seems. I can relate well to this one though, I've been through those shots myself. Fortunately my back is much better these days, but I remember vividly the scene. I was on the table with every eyeing my bare lower half, small injections numbed the site for the three needles, all was well. Or so I thought. Even when the inserted the needles I was fine, the sedation worked that well. Then the doctor said those fateful words, and my world was turned upside down. "I'm going give you the first injection now, you may feel a bit of pain as I do." What an understatement! It felt like he had taken a pair of vise grip pliers and pinched that nerve with them, maybe even adding a little twist. I was in such pain that he waited a full 10 minutes or so to administer the second one. The second one was okay... Well, at least compared to the first one it was. But the third one was as bad, if not worse. End result? I couldn't walk for three hours. In order to get out to my friends car, I had to do a small shuffle type walk. Arriving at the car, all I could do was fall forward into the back seat, and pull myself across until I was in the car. But they had to lift my legs so the door could be closed. Another jolt of pain. And the drive home? I can tell even now (4-5 years later) every bump and crevice on the ride home.
Glad to know that WL is doing okay now though, but I really feel for him.
Jim
Thanks, Jim, for sharing your horror story. I'm in pain just reading about it!  WL is doing much better, thankfully. Well, at least for another few months until it's shot time again. I think this time, I'll ask for the sedation! 
Happy April 2024! 
Cute story. I hope you both have recovered!
Thanks, Connie! We have recovered from the recent shots. Don't look forward to the next set, though.  He keeps insisting I get those shots for my back problems. I said, no thanks! I don't sing well, anyway. 
brom21 
What a provoking series of events. After all that sadness and anguish it ended up in laughter; how heartwarming and comforting. I wish I could have seen it. I’ll always remember to laugh! Thanks!
We do manage to turn tormenting times into true comedy as often as possible.
Quick-Quill 
LOL I have to share my hubby had never had "laughing gas" while getting a procedure for his teeth. After a number of doses, he was looped. As he lay there with his mouth wide open he started laughing and the dentist had to quit for moment. Hubby asked a question that referred to a specific activity. I wondered why I got some odd looks and smiles as we left the office. He told me later what he asked. I was mortified  Happy New Year and I hope many more newsletters.
Not that question?!!! I imagine that added some spark to their day and perhaps someone's evening.  Thank you, Happy New Year to you, also. 
LJPC - the tortoise
Hi WW - great NL as always! WL's performance sounds like it should have been taped and sent to America's Funniest Home Videos or America's Got Talent. I bet people would've picked up the phone for him!
~ Laura
OMG! Could you just imagine that performance while wearing his Superman boxers?!!! I think you're right--it would have been a real winner! Thanks for the feedback, Laura. 
BIG BAD WOLF is hopping 
You'll find something to make you laugh. submits: "Monsters Versus Aliens Sequel"
I always do. 
Via Email: Jacqueline
Dear Web Witch I love your newsletters A bit late reading this one, due to the holiday season.I am spending today catching up one all my emails, but yours just make me laugh so much. Thank you for turning a hot unhappy person into a laughing out loud one. Hope WL is better with his back.
Hoping you are keeping warm with all your cold weather over there that been in the news in Australia bye for now
Jacqueline
Thanks, Jacqueline. I'm happy you enjoyed the newsletter and it made you laugh. Laughter is fun and infectious--so spread it around and make it go viral!!!
I'm enjoying the warmth of Florida during those terrible winter days in the North. Thank God for that! 
Thanks for the feedback, folks. We Editors really appreciate it!
See you next month,
WW
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Comedy: January 29, 2014 Issue [#6121]
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