Prophetic Danger

         It was always there since I was young. The feeling of knowing what was going to happen, but unsure of how to go about figuring it out. Doctors said it was close to near evolution from the brain scans. My head had been growing exponentially from the beginning of my life. Yet I didn’t die. No there was more to this gift.
         I knew that even with the ability to know what was going to happen, didn’t mean that I would always want to. I stopped the visions, prophecies, and other paranormal insights from entering my head. I was young and un-experienced at accepting such things
         The first pure insight I had was the most traumatic, triggering more. Some say it was a sort of release. So much stress on such an advanced brain activated what I hadn’t already, but I was still a kid. I woke on a Thursday morning, ready for my first day of kindergarten. Excited as ever, I was clean, dressed, and all ready to go. I hurried downstairs to wait for the bus, but instead found my mom with a bowl of Cheerios. Nasty! I couldn’t stand the things.
         She forced me to eat them like a good boy I was. I heaved each bite down with the disgusting remains of the taste lingering in my mouth and throat. Unable to bear it anymore I said I was full and left the table. The bus arrived and I hurried out the front door. Twenty feet. Fifteen feet. Five feet. I was nearly there when it hit me.  The feeling matched that of my first swimming lesson over the summer. Fear of drowning, the pressure of water overwhelming your chest. I was ready to scream from it, but was held fast by the sight I was seeing in my eyes.
         Only once could I handle watching my mother die by the hands of my dad. He had left us, but came back and hid in the house. I hurried back in before getting on the bus and watched the butcher knife plunge right through her back into her heart and lungs. It was too much. Too much for my body to bear. I screamed, collapsed under my own weight, and waited for what was to happen next. I had seen it coming, just couldn’t react fast enough to fix it.
         The first vision was hard, and it only got worse. As I grew older and attached myself to someone, I would see visions of them getting injured, or killed. I never could stop it. Soon came events of my mind stopping and random words ejecting from deep in my unconscious. Prophecies they had been called. I started telling the 5th grade class of mine when another war would start. I knew it all. Everything in the world there was to know I could access one way or the other.
         At the age of 14 it was too much though. My hormones started to rage and I would see stuff I didn’t want to. I kept myself away from everyone. Became an outcast to shut out the visions. I struggled everyday to keep myself away so that I would have a peaceful day. My mind was powerful, I knew this, so I knew there must be a way for me to get rid of everything all together. It took time and effort from me to manage it, but I shut down parts of my mind that were controlling these visions. For once in my life I was able to have a normal relationship.
         And I did just that. I found a lovely girl, Jess, long flowing brown hair. Bright shining blue eyes. She was perfect. Her personality was that of a graceful wind blowing across the fields of wheat. She accepted anything different about people and befriended most of the school, while staying smart. I knew she was the one.
         Our lives were great. I had nothing happen to me, and didn’t see anything that came our way. I felt bad when she snapped her wrist playing tennis. I knew I could have prevented that one, but not knowing was the easiest way to live. We grew up through high school together and eventually decided to take another step. The night of her birthday I “popped the question”. It was perfect timing for me. I was ready this time.
         Six months later the big day came. I was so happy and excited. Friends through me a bachelor party and of course, I got drunk. This wine was fantastic until it started my overly built mind up again. Parts were failing so the one I shut down were taking over to make up for lost use. No matter how drunk I was, I saw things happening all night. Three of my friends would get in a car accident that night. Two others were going to get in a fist fight. Prophecies poured from my mouth, but everyone was to drunk to take heed to what I was saying. In the year of the happiest day, take fear into your heart. The shadow will fall upon the world. Light will take refuge in the dark. The greatest attempts of good will cause more harm, I said aloud. I didn’t know what it meant with as much alcohol as I had, but the words were burned into my mind already.
         Even taking on all these warnings, I failed to see the one that mattered the most. It was either my own death, or the death of my wife to be. I couldn’t tell. It was the first time that the vision came into my mind as blur or color. It could have been the alcohol among all things, but it still didn’t matter. I wanted to know what it was.
         The party slowly started to die out as people went home. I stayed awake the best I could to clean up what was left from it, but found my mind was so slow to manage anything now. All I saw was that one vision replaying over and over in my head. So distorted and blurred that not even the cause of the injury/death was discernable. I didn’t let myself dwell on it, and popped at least 5 sleeping pills to knock me out for a good 12 hours, at least by my hope.
         The next afternoon came with a fright. Even after the large amounts of sleeping assistants I took, I was still mind wracked by dreams. Everything that I missed in all those years was coming back to me.  I got the news of my friend’s accident on my voicemail. I wasn’t surprised, only glad they weren’t killed. I didn’t see that part coming, would have been nicer if I did.
         Before long I realized what the day was and knew in an instant that I had to be ready within the next 3 hours. I wasn’t even near ready, my head still throbbed. I smelled like alcohol, no surprise there, and was a complete mess. Rushing around to find all the pieces to my tux, and the money for our honeymoon, was the last of my worries. I figured taking a shower and relaxing would be the best. Everything was already set up for the wedding, only the bride and groom had to show up.
         The water was hot on my face and poured down over my body, washing away my sins for the final time as being a single man. All those people that had died and I knew it was going to happen haunted me. The years seemed to catch up to me. I knew the visions were there and knew who would die or get hurt were starting to catch back up to me. Everything had happened because something was setting an unbalance in the world. Me! I was that unbalance.
         People weren’t meant to be able to see into the future or others lives. It messed with free will and wasn’t right for what it was. Time couldn’t work the way it was suppose to with people knowing what was going to happen to them. Fate had to go in the flow it had already set out. The path was predestined and already set. Now something was trying to interrupt it.
         Not trying, I though. Actually interrupting everything as we know it. Realizing that I was a mistake in the world, that I wasn’t even suppose to exist, gave me a new thought. Why could I only see how people I cared for were going to be hurt? Why couldn’t I see my own perishing. I broke my arm when I was 10. I cracked my skull at 12. I never saw that. I only saw everything else. My life was a hole in the flow of time and fate. I didn’t exist. I wasn’t really there. Yet in some other way I was there.
         How could I live on knowing that I was a mistake and didn’t exist in the world. Fate didn’t have anything set out for me. Time went by the same, but didn’t even know that I was there. Nothing had control over me in the world, meaning I couldn’t be governed to the laws of the universe. I could change the world to my liking, but knew that I wouldn’t.
         No matter who or what I was, I was still one thing…human. I could die just as everyone else could, I just couldn’t see that it would happen because fate didn’t know it would. The person to cause my death would be doing something unknown to fate, causing another hole. My existence was slowly tearing apart the world Fate had worked so hard to create. It was time to create one more hole in the world and let fate repair the damage I had done by coming into being.
         I inserted the plug into the drain of the tub and watched as the water rose. I didn’t think of what pain I was causing or anything I just figured it would be better this way. I laid my body down in the water and let it flow over my head. The hole would finally be repaired and everything would return to normal. At least I had hoped that it would be.