The Snot Rocket

The Snot Rocket

-Spence Colby



      “There is more to life than this!” Mucus shouted over the grumbling of the Council of Boogers. “There is Outer Space!  We could explore and colonize, build new worlds for our offspring! You must listen to me!”

    “Listen to you we have, but we are fearful. This is our home and we see no reason to leave it.”

      “Nor to annoy the Mighty and All-Encompassing Schnoz” added another Elder. “The Time of the Tissue of Death comes for us all soon enough without angering the Mighty One. No,” he shook and hunkered down, “we can not allow this thing.”

    The muttering of the Elders grew sharper at the mention of the feared Tissue of Death, the fate threatened to small ones as the Reaper of All when they refused to behave. Mucus bubbled with frustration. “But I have studied the Tissue and kept records. I know the pattern of its appearances! I know how to avoid it.”

      “You? A mere sniffle? Hah! We knew the fear of the Tissue and the Horrid Finger before you were more than a tickle.” The Elder huffed and wheezed.

    “Yet I know. The temperature will rise, the dust will invade, the pollen count will go up, and the time of procreation will come upon us. If we clot together at that time and pray to the MightySchnoz, the Finger will not come and the Tissue will not receive us. We can be expelled to the Outer Space and be free to roam!”

    “Gesundheit!” shouted one scabby old Elder. Other obscenities were murmured by the others, some were rather pointed and unkind. 

    “No! It’s true!” shouted Mucus right back. “The Finger only comes for you, anyway. Not the young and fluid. And if we time it correctly, the Tissue will not appear.”

    “You can not know that for sure,” rumbled the Head Elder, “You will not be allowed to endanger any citizens with your wild and dangerous plan. Go, and say no more of this.”

    Mucus slumped in dejection and slowly left the Great Hall. He wended his way back to his humble chambers in Sinus City and collapsed on the floor. His roommate, Flem, came in and saw him just lying there, quivering and sighing. Flem was a good friend, but the two of them had different goals and this made it difficult for them to discuss things without butting heads, but Flem always tried. That was one of the things that made him a good friend. He normally made an effort to listen, at least.

    “Uh huh, I guess the Council didn’t see it your way, again.”

    Mucus rolled over to stare up at him. “Is it that obvious? Maybe I’m prostrate with joy, you slimeball…” he muttered sarcastically.

    “Nope. This is definitely not joy. Get off my side of the floor.” Mucus slid over to give Flem room to come all the way inside. “So, what are you going to do?” he asked in a different tone.

    “I don’t know…I still believe this is the best way to get into Outer Space.”

    Flem snorted. “So who would want to?”

    Mucus didn’t reply right away. He understood Flem’s dream; he just didn’t share it. Flem was planning to finish his training and take the Trip down the Canal to study the Inner Mysteries. It was a safe and sane plan. Few were Coughed Up and the Horrid Finger and the Tissue of Death were no longer of any concern. Travelers to the Inner Mysteries were beyond the reach of such dangers. But it just wasn’t something he personally wanted to do. He wanted to explore the vast reaches of Outer Space. To be the first to escape the Tissue and roam the immensity of all that was out there…that was his dream.

Flem fidgeted in his silence. Mucus said nothing, just waited. Finally Flem blurted out, “So why don’t you just do it? Live your dream, you know?”

  “’Cause I’ve been ordered to shut up about it.”

  Flem shrugged and giggled, a strange sound for a serious scholar. “Okay, you shut up, and I’ll pass the word along to the crowd. The Boogers didn’t tell me to be silent!”

  Mucus smiled at his friend and shook his head in amazement. “I don’t deserve a friend like you, you clot! But you could get in big trouble, you know?”

    “Naw. The Council likes me. Besides, I’m not going to be involved. I’m just passing on your message.”

    Mucus got up from the floor and started to pace back and forth, ideas and plans forming and reforming in his mind like a gushing torrent. “Great…okay, here’s what we’ll do first…”





    The ground was trembling and the Great Horn was blasting huge blatts of sound and wind, pushing and shoving the citizens around the City and the Great Hall. It was the time of Procreation. Adults were forming new little ones like it was going out of style and the new little ones were blooming quickly into full adults, and forming new ones of their own. The City was quickly filling up.

  Mucus clung to the wall and watched the bustle and bedlam. It was time. If he was ever to make his dream come true, this was the moment. He moved to the center of the Great Hall, just outside the gate to Sinus City and raised his voice to be heard above the confusion. “Now is the time! The dust is here. Note the pollen!” That wasn’t difficult, the huge chunks of pollen and wispy dust whipped through the passageways and coated everything in sight. City workers were trying to collect it all, mopping it up and piling the debris up in heaps to be carried away later. “The Tissue will not come this time! It will not be there to stop us. Now! Now we can be expelled into Outer Space! Come join me!”

    At first, few of the citizens paid him any attention, but then a group of his friends, notified by Flem, showed up and joined him. “Clump together, comrades!” Mucus cried, “Form a solid knot!” More of his friends arrived and joined the growing mass of explorers, waiting for the launch. The size of the group was getting quite large.

    “Stop this and disperse immediately!” One of the Elders thundered from his clinging position on the Great Hall. “You will be the death of us all!”

    “No, Elder…we are the first to go where no one has gone before. But not to death, I think!” Mucus shouted back. “And even if we do fail, we did more than just hang around and get crusty and dry like you! We are going, old one!” The Great Horn was sounding in shorter intervals now; it wouldn’t be long before the launch…into the Tissue of Death or Outer Space and glory. It was only a matter of waiting a few more seconds…



    John swore under his breath and wiped his streaming inflamed eyes and sniffed again. “Dam’ allergies…” he muttered. He stopped the lawn mower and rubbed his temples. This time of the year was always rough on him—being outside was murder on his system. His nose was packed full and threatening to dibble down his face. He sighed and reached for his hankie. It was still in the house…that was poor planning on his part. He sighed, sniffled, and glanced around. No one was watching…he held one nostril shut with an index finger and sneezed, shooting a wad of snot out of the other nostril and into the grass. He looked around guiltily, but no one had noticed his social indiscretion so he switched sides and blew the other side clear then wiped his nose on his shirtsleeve. “Ah, I hate summer…” He started the mower back up and went back to work.



    The Great Hall was mostly empty now. This had been a particularly harsh Time and the losses were quite high. The Council of Elders was badly reduced in number but new members were being introduced and finding their places. Life would go on. Sinus City was intact and the population there was stable and happy. They had survived again and the celebrations would be starting later, after a period of mourning for those that were lost.

    The Head Elder was lost as well, pulled into the blast that expelled Mucus and his band into Outer Space, but a new Head Elder was already in place. He settled into his niche and considered the events of the last day.

    The explorers had not been heard from again, as was expected. The means to communicate with Outer Space were just not available. The Elder sat and thought. He didn’t know if the hardy band had survived the launch, the Expulsion, or the trip into the vast Beyond, but he secretly hoped they had. There had been no sign of the Tissue of Death—Mucus had called that one correctly somehow. Maybe he was right about everything else as well. The Elder sighed. They might never know. But it wouldn’t be long before another young snot decided to try to explore the Outer Space.

    It was, after all, a fact of their life. The young were born to run.