The Sausage Duel

                                                                    The Sausage Duel
                               
    The saloon was crowded and old Dr. was on his way to a table with a beer. He bumped into a professional duelist and spilled some beer on the duelist's clothes. The duelist immediately took offense and demanded satisfaction. Doc didn’t even drink his beer. He went home immediately to think about what he would do. The duelist continued to drink and gamble well into the night.

    On the morning of the duel Doc arrived at the designated spot ready for the duelist. Doc had the choice of weapons and he chose sausages.  His second presented a box containing two nice sausages. Doc said, “OK here are two nice sausages, one is laced with deadly poison the other is clean and wholesome. You chose and eat one and I will eat the other.

    You realize of course, this is a different kind of fight than what you are used to.You have always had a great advantage due to your strength and skill with weapons. This fight if you choose to continue will be a fair since each of us has an equal chance of being killed. Will you now accept my apology or shall we continue?”

    The duelist wondered if either sausage was poison. Could it be a bluff? Could that old coot have an antidote because both sausages were poison? Oh well, he couldn’t back out now. He sat down with Doc at a low portable table and they each ate a sausage. In less than an hour the duelist became hot and flushed. He was nauseated. He lost his breakfast, his heart was racing and he was wet with sweat.

    Doc said,”well since you obviously ate the poison you will probably die. Now, will you forgive this imagined insult and let me save your life or would you rather die? Look man, our duel his been fought and you have had your satisfaction. Perhaps with good luck, your youth and strength you will not die but no one can be sure because I put enough poison in the sausage to kill at least two people.”

    Over the next few days the duelist recovered. The whole episode had been humiliating and now he was angrier than before. It wasn’t just his pride. Doc had made a fool of him and he was determined to get even. The sheriff had told him that if he killed Doc after the duel he would hang for murder. He schemed to find a way to get Doc to fight again.
         Doc understood the danger he was in, he didn’t want to fight but he could not avoid the duelist’s constant heckling. Doc was aware of the duelists fondness for whiskey and Doc was known for using the finest whiskey he could buy for his patients and he bought a quart every week. The duelist learned of Doc’s habit and one day caught him on the street on his way to dinner. Doc had  a bottle in his hand so the duelist demanded Doc share his whiskey with him. Doc protested but was forced into the saloon and sat down with the demand that he pour drinks for them both.  Worse yet the duelist demanded they drink Docs whiskey. Doc protested again and again but the arrogant duelist  would have none of it. Again and again Doc protested saying he did not like whiskey and didn’t want to drink. The duelist would not let him go, he grabbed Docs bottle and poured two generous glasses. Doc begged to at least be allowed to eat something. When the duelist agreed Doc pulled two of his sausages2 from his coat pocket and began to eat  one offering the  other to the duelist. The duelist refused of course and made several snide remarks about Docs sausage so Doc ate them both. They drank the first glass and started the second when Docs face turned red and he ran to the toilet retching violently. The duelist laughed cornmenting on Docs inability to hold his liquor. The duelist poured another glass and demanded Doc drink some more but Doc began to vomit before the glass reached his lips. Again the duelist ranted and scorned Doc. He slapped both sides of his face and told him to go home before he wet himself.

    The duelist continued to drink most of the whiskey finally reaching such a degree of intoxication he had to be helped to bed early by one of the bar girls. The next morning when the cleaning maid went to clean his room she found him unconscious and apparently very ill. His bed was a mess and he stank from his own vomit. When he finally regained consciousness he was blind and very weak. The town folk called for Doc but he said he was too sick from the alcohol the day before and could not come. The next day he did come still pale but apparently recovered from his bout with alcohol. The duelists urine turned very dark and he was so weak he could not sit up.  Doc said he was sorry there was nothing he could do. That evening the duelist died. Most town folk thought it was from the effects of the poisoned sausage he had eaten but some could not understand how he could have  seemed to recover from the sausage only to die the next week.

    What had Doc done? It was a case of mushrooms, ethanol and methanol. Doc was familiar with mushrooms and frequently ate Coprinis Comatus or (shaggy manes) at his table. He was also familiar with the medicinal effects of Coprinis Atramentarius. This mushroom when eaten either before or after drinking alcohol produces a disulfram (antibuse) like action resulting in a fairly toxic state with severe headache, vomiting and tachardia lasting for up to 72 hrs or even longer. They didn’t have antibuse back then but these mushrooms were fairly common.
    Doc hadn't had a chance to drink his beer. He spilled it on the duelist and went directly home afterward. He had not consumed any alcohol before or during the days following the duel so he ate the sausage with no ill effects. The duelist on the other hand had consumed a large amount of whiskey the evening before so he became ill. Doc knew the duelist would recover in any event but thought maybe the experience would frighten him enough to make him quit.

    When Doc was caught on his way to dinner he had a whiskey bottle filled with wood alcohol (methanol) for his alcohol lamp. It was an old bottle. The label was ragged and faded so there was no danger of confusing it with the new whiskey bottle he used for his patients. Faced with the demand to drink the methanol he knew he and the duelist would both die if he could not find a way to avoid the wood alcohol. Then he remembered his sausage. Once he ate the sausage he knew he would throw up the one glass of methanol he drank. His acute illness so amused the duelist he was permitted to go home without drinking any more. The duelist continued to drink the methanol. Even though he got sick and threw up it was too late. He had absorbed too much. The methanol turned to formaldehyde and  destroyed his optic nerves and his kidneys resulting in his blindness and death. He just didn’t know when to quit. Doc got quite sick, had headaches and blurred vision for the first day following the incident but did recover and continued his practice. This was probably the only duel ever fought in  the  old west with sausages.