Carnivale Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Carnivale



“Darling, honey, you in here?” I slid open her door, stepping inside quietly.

“Yeah, mom, over here.”

I followed her tiny voice, finding the eight year old spread out on her bed, reading a magazine. I'm not her real mom. I adopted Darling three years ago, four days after I died. She was an orphan, and had been ill for some time when Tragedy changed her. It was the only person he changed that I didn't hate him for. I felt bad for her sometimes though. She'd be eleven if she were still alive, and yet here she was, trapped forever in the body of an eight year old.

“I'm going on shift now. Is there anything you need?” I asked softly, running my fingers through her raven hair. If one didn't know better, they could easily mistake Darling for being a birth daughter of Tragedy. She looks just like him. I was always curious about Darling. She wasn't afraid of him, even when she was changed. It was as if she knew him. But she doesn't like to talk about before the carnival, and I wouldn't ask him if my life depended on it.

“Nah, Mom, I'm good. Dad bought me a couple magazines in town, and a few new dolls, so I'm probably going to just play in here today.” I tried not to cringe at the mention of Dad.

“Would you like to go on shift with me? I peeked outside, and it looks like there is a lot of kids here this time.”

She was thoughtful a moment. “Sure, Mom, but can I take my bunny?”

I ruffled her hair lovingly. “Of course, hon. Now hurry and change into your dress, and we'll go, sound good?”

“Yup.”

When she was ready, I took her hand, feeling her squeeze it tightly as we walked through our trailer. “Mom, I'm nervous. What if they don't like me? What if they can tell I'm dead?”

I turned to face her, crouching down to her level. “Darling, you don't look any different. You have the same green eyes, the same black hair, the same smile. You look just like them. They'll love you, honey, I promise.”

When we got outside, I sat her on the step of our trailer for a moment. “Be right back. I'm going to grab some balloons, OK?”

“OK, Mommy, I'll wait here for you.”

*****

Tragedy



'God, she's beautiful.' I thought as I watched her taking our daughter by the hand. I sighed, running a hand through my black hair. Everyday, I thought it, and everyday I wanted to tell her, but I knew I would never be able to. It would only make her hate me worse. I wished I could make her understand how much she meant to me. But I had sworn to always be what she needed, and right now, she needed me to be the bad guy. She still needed someone to blame, and so I played the role, and played it well, hoping desperately that she didn't see through my smirk and false arrogance to the deep longing I felt inside to be a normal family with Darling and herself. Not that we would ever be exactly normal, but as close as we could get. Darling at least understood. She didn't hate me. But then, Darling never could. Even before the carnival, Darling had clung to me to protect her.

*****

Five years earlier



“Tragedy, I'm scared.” The little girl breathed, tears streaming down her face. Her little body shook in his arms, as he hugged her tightly.

“I know, baby-girl. Shh, we have to be quiet, OK? If we're too loud, he'll find us.”

“Why is he so mean, Tragedy? Is it 'cause we're bad?”

Tragedy swore under his breath, picking the tiny girl up and cradling her to him gently. “No, Darling, it's not because we're bad. Not you at least. How could such a good girl be bad? Don't worry, I'll protect you, no matter what.”

“Love you lots.” Darling whispered, hiding her face in his shoulder.

“I love you, too, kiddo.”

*****

I knew Carnivale didn't understand why I had changed Darling, why I had agreed so quickly to her adopting Dar, and hadn't put up an argument. It was better that way. If she knew, she would know just how much I had kept from her.

*****

Carnivale



“Darling, sweetie, would you like to hold the balloons?” I asked softly, moving them towards her.

“Sure.”

“Why don't you go offer those kids one?” I pushed her towards them gently, leaning down to kiss her forehead.

“Ok, Mom!” She grinned up at me, giving me a quick hug before running off to talk to the children.

Jimmy, the operator of the Ferris wheel, put a hand on my shoulder. “She sure is growing up.”

I sighed. “I know. Don't remind me. I know that she's getting older, but some days, I really wish she'd stay my little girl forever.”

The stout man laughed, his belly rumbling with mirth. “I know, Carnivale, I was the same with my kids when they were little.”

“Darling is different though. She's stuck. She gets older mentally, but physically she's trapped in that body. I feel so bad for her. What happens when she's sixteen and meets a boy she likes? She won't stand a chance because she'll still be a kid.”

“Like Tragedy would let any boy near her anyways.” Jimmy laughed.

I scowled at the mention of his name, glancing over to the big top tent he so frequently occupied. “Well, he doesn't have much say in the matter one way or another, now does he?”

“Carnivale, if you don't mind me asking, why do you hate Tragedy? If I remember correctly, three years ago, you couldn't find two people more in love. Then all of a sudden, BAM!, you suddenly abhorred him. I never quite understood it.”

I was silent a moment. “Jimmy, he never told you the whole story, did he?” I murmured, mind racing with the memories of how I came to be the wife of such a monster as Tragedy LeVay.

*****

Three years earlier



“Come on, Tragedy! It'll be fun.”

“I don't know, Carnivale... I don't often leave.” The young man paused, caution in his tone.

“Please, Tragedy?” The girl pouted, holding on tightly to her lovers arm.

He sighed, fingers running through his raven hair, black eyes weary. “Alright. We'll go for a drive.”

They drove for what seemed like ages, when Carnivale pointed, telling him to turn off the main road onto a dirt path. “Carnivale, I don't understand, what's up here? It's just a river, and some trees.”

Carnivale reached out her hand, motioning for Tragedy to grasp it. She led him through the trees to a tall oak. “This is where I used to play.” She murmured, walking to the back of the tree where the time worn rungs were. “Come on, Tragedy.”

Finally, they reached the old, decrepit tree house. “Vale, you sure this will hold us both?”

She nodded. “I've never shown this place to anyone before.”

“Carnivale...” Tragedy whispered, his breath catching in his throat. He was stuck in amazement at the love that this eighteen year old girl held for him. What amazing thing had he done to deserve her? He was a bad person, he had always known he was. He had seen more in his twenty years than most people had in their whole lifetime, most of it bad, and yet somehow, here he was, happy. It would shatter if she found out what he was really capable of doing, he knew it would.

He was pulled from his thoughts by a loud crack. It took only a moment for him to realize what it was. “Carnivale, hurry, get out of here! This tree house is going to collapse!”

But it was too late. The unstable structure shattered, dropping the young couple to the ground in a cloud of a debris.

“Carnivale? Carnivale!” Tragedy screamed as he threw aside branches and boards, panic evident in his movements.

“Tra..ge...dy...” Carnivale murmured, the large branch pinning her restricting her breath.

“Carnivale!” Tragedy sobbed, unable to lift the branch.

“I'm going to die, aren't I?”

Tragedy stopped, eyes wide. He wouldn't let her! He wouldn't!

“Honey, do you trust me?” He murmured.

“Of... course.”

“Then hold my hand, and close your eyes.”

She did as she was told, grasping his hand as tightly as she could.

“Now open your lips.” He instructed.

As she did, she felt a warm liquid flowing into her mouth, coursing through her body. Whatever it was seemed to work, her strength was returning. Her eyes fluttered open, a smile crossing her features.

“Tragedy...” She whispered. “My God, you're bleeding!” She screamed, seeing his torn wrist.

“It was the only way...” Tragedy murmured.

“What? I don't understand... Oh my God, did I just..?”

“Yes. Carnivale,” He sighed raggedly, knowing his next words would come as a shock. “You're dead. But not really. I... my blood... it can stop people from dying... well, sort of, that is to say, you're undead.” He spoke so quickly that she could barely make out the words he was saying.

“I... I'm DEAD? What? Tragedy, what the hell is going on?”

The Raven took a deep breath. “Honey... ever since I was a kid, I've known I was different. People died a lot around me... and yet... they didn't. I'm sorry, it was the only was to save you.” He sobbed, collapsing into a pile on the floor.

“Turn me back.” Carnivale coldly stated, her voice monotonous and flat.

“Marry me, Carnivale. I love you. Marry me, and I'll make you live again.”

“Fine. But know this, Tragedy. This very night, you've killed any love I ever had for you. I'll marry you, but only because I don't want to spend eternity as a corpse.”

The next day, they were married, and Carnivale Renal became Carnivale LeVay. The ceremony was lovely, and Tragedy thought Carnivale was an angel dressed in his mother's wedding gown, her auburn hair floating in the breeze.

After the reception, they retired to Tragedy's trailer. “Carnivale, you looked lo...”

“Turn me back now. I did what you asked and married you, now turn me BACK!”

Tragedy stopped, eyes misting over with sadness. “I have to kiss you, Carnivale. It's the only way.”

She took a step forward, and tilted her head. “Do it then. Understand I'm not kissing you for pleasure though, only because it needs to be done.”

He laid a hand under her chin, tilting her to face him. Gently, he placed his lips against hers, breathing his life into her. He pulled his lips away from her, leaning down to place an ear against her chest. Her heart gave a little thump, then stopped again.

“It didn't work... but how? Dammit!”

“You lied to me, Tragedy.” Carnivale accused, her voice dripping venom.

“No! Carnivale, I love you, you're my wife! I'd never lie to you.”

“Don't ever call me that! I may be your wife in name, but I swear I'll never be in any other way!”

*****

“He lied to me, Jimmy. He killed me, and he tricked me into marrying him. How could I ever forgive him for that?”

Jimmy shook his head. “I don't know, Carnivale, I think there is a lot more to Tragedy than you think.”

“All I know is that arrogant bastard killed me, and now? He mocks me everyday, calling himself my husband, and wearing that smirk.”

“Don't be too quick to judge him, Vale. I've known him for years, and he's been through far more than you probably understand.”

“Mommy! Mommy!” Darling ran to me, grin stretching across her face.

“What is it, sweetheart?”

“Can I go play with the kids? They are going on the tilt-a-whirl, and they asked if I wanted to go with them!”

“Of course you can, Dar.” I laughed, ruffling her hair. “Have fun.”

*****

Darling



I quickly ran back to the other kids.

“I'm allowed to go.” I giggled excitedly. We moved around from town to town so often that it was hard to make friends, so this was a special treat.

“Was that your sister?” Edward, the oldest of the children, asked me.

I laughed warmly. “No, silly, that's my mommy!”

“That's your mom? No way, she looks so young!”

I nodded enthusiastically. “She is. She's only eighteen. She and my dad, Tragedy, who runs this whole carnival, adopted me a couple of years ago. So now I live here, at the carnival, with them. We move around a lot though.” I twirled a strand of hair around my finger, a nervous habit Mom says I need to watch carefully.

“Ohhh.... Darling, when you move again, do you promise you'll write and tell us all about the new places you see?”

“Of course!” I laughed.

*****

Tragedy



I glanced over to see Darling laughing with the other children, running towards the tilt-a-whirl. I smiled. It was nice to see her having fun with kids her own age. It made me sad that she didn't get to do that very often. I felt so guilty that she could never settle down, make friends, but that was the downfall of carnival life, you never stayed in one place very long. The child had seen more in her short lifetime, had been through more, than anyone deserved, and I had long since sworn to protect her with my life. Even from the first time I saw Carnivale interacting with Darling, I knew they were perfect together. They needed each other, even if they didn't know it at the time.

*****

Three years earlier



Tragedy knocked impatiently on the door of his new wife's trailer. “Carnivale. Carnivale! I need you to come out here a moment, please.”

The door pulled open violently, and he was faced with a menacing scowl. “What do you want, Ringleader?” Her voice was like ice, and it pierced his soul. He shook it off. No time to feel sorry for himself, he had more important things to see to.

Carnivale heard a whimper sound from behind Tragedy, noticing the tiny face appearing from behind his leg. “Tragedy?” The child whimpered, frightened.

All at once, Carnivale's expression melted to a warm smile as she crouched down to the child's eye level. “Hi there, sweetie. I'm Carnivale. What's your name?”

The little girl hid her face behind the tall Raven shyly, as he put a hand on her shoulder to beckon her into the open. “It's OK, Darling, there is nothing to be afraid of.” He glanced at Carnivale. “Her name is Darling. She's eight and pretty shy. She got left here by her guardians, and she's quite ill. I know you despise me, and I'm sorry to ask this of you in light of the current circumstances, but would you be able to keep an eye on her for a while? I'm working right now and I think she'd be better here with you, than with me.”

Green eyes locked on the man she so hated. “Of course.” She said curtly. “Come on, honey, let's get you inside, and we'll make you some nice soup. How's that sound?” She smiled down at the tiny girl, and Tragedy noted to himself that the smile was genuine, surprise registering on his face when Darling took her hand. She was beautiful when she smiled.

He crouched down, stroking the child's hair out of her eyes. “Now you be good for Vale, OK, Darling?”

“Yes, Tragedy.” The child replied meekly.

“I'll be back to see you tonight, alright? Don't worry, everything will be alright.”

Darling launched herself into Tragedy's arms, hugging him tightly. Carnivale tried to stay cool as she watched him embrace the child, wrapping his arms around her tightly and kissing her forehead, but she could feel a familiar warmth pulling at her insides. 'No, Vale, don't let yourself fall for him again... Tragedy is a monster and you would do well to remember that.' She reprimanded herself in her head for allowing any pleasant thought to come in connection to him at all. Beckoning the child inside, she closed the door behind her. “So, Darling, what kind of soup would you like?”

“Do you know how to make tomato soup with cheese? My mommy used to always make that for me when I got sick.”

“Tomato soup it is!” Carnivale exclaimed, beaming down at the child.

Moments later, she placed the steaming hot bowl of soup in front of the little girl.

“How is it?” She asked.

“Mmm, yummy, thank you, Miss Carnivale.”

The auburn haired woman laughed softly. “You don't have to call me Miss, you can just call me Carnivale if you would like, or Vale. That's what everyone else around here calls me.”

“Ok, Carnivale.” Darling murmured, smiling shyly. The raven-haired girl yawned sleepily, eyes getting heavy.

“Oh, honey, you've had a long day, haven't you?” She picked the child up in her arms, carrying her to the rocking chair in the living room, where she held Darling close to her. “You can go to sleep if you'd like. I'll watch out for you and protect you.” She whispered as the little girl drifted to sleep in her arms.

Hours later, there was a knock at the door. She picked Darling up, walking to the door.

“Ringleader.” She acknowledged.

“Awe, she fell asleep before I got here. I was hoping to wish her good-night. I trust she was good for you?”

Carnivale smiled down at the child in her arms, stroking her hair gently. “Of course she was. She's been asleep in my arms for hours. Poor little thing, she's had a long day.”

Tragedy's heart melted looking at her with Darling in her arms, and his mind was overrun with images of his beautiful wife, pregnant, holding their newborn, watching their baby grow. All things he wanted with her, but could never have.

“Carnivale... I'm sorry to have pushed her off on you today, but I just wanted to make sure she was safe and warm. She's so little, and so pale...”

“How much do you know about her?”

Tragedy frowned, his eyes misting over with shadows. “Not much. She's an orphan, and she's very sick. She told me that earlier. She was abandoned here, and came to me, tugging on my jacket and asking me if I could help her. I instantly thought to bring her here to you.”

There was more he wasn't telling her, she could see it written all over his face, but she pushed that notion aside.

“I'm glad you did. I'll look after her for the night, she can sleep in my room, and I'll make sure she's OK. Don't worry, I'll look after her.”

It was the most she had said to him in three days, and the warmest he had seen her since he had changed her. It gave him hope for the future.

“I'll check in on you both in the morning, then I'll run into town and buy her some toys or coloring books or something.”

Carnivale was silent a moment. “Ringleader... buy her a teddy. It'll make her feel safe.”

He nodded thoughtfully. “That's a very good idea.”

“What are we going to do with her?” Carnivale whispered, holding the little girl close to her.

“I'm going to try to find some family. We'll see where we can go from there.”

The next morning, true to his word, Tragedy came to check up on them both. When no one came to the door, he silently let himself in. He walked down the hall to Carnivale's room quietly, knowing if she knew he'd let himself in, she'd probably slap him and call him a pervert, but he had to make sure they were both OK. He turned the knob and slid the door open. The sight he was met with almost brought him to tears. Darling was sound asleep in Carnivale's arms, and the latter was holding her as protectively as possible.

'Could it possibly be... would it be possible for Darling to... She'd be safer here.' Tragedy thought to himself.

When he had gotten back from town, he had been met with a determined Carnivale. “She's staying here, Ringleader. I'm adopting her. Don't even bother to argue it, because nothing you will say will change my mind.”

Tragedy was silent a moment. “Vale... you realize how sick she is, right? She's only got maybe a month or two left. The only option would be for me to change her... so that she's at least not in pain anymore. I won't do it without her permission.”

Carnivale brought Darling out to the living room, holding onto her hand protectively. “Darling, honey, do you want to tell Tragedy what you told me this morning?”

The little girl smiled up at him shyly. “I wanna stay here and have Carnivale as a mommy, and you as a Daddy, cause she said you're married.”

Tragedy picked her up onto his knee. “Honey, you realize you're sick, right?”

Darling scowled. “Uh-huh. That's why Uncle Joey and Auntie Bella didn't want me no more. They said I wasn't worth the trouble.”

“Would you like to stop hurting, sweetheart? I can do that... the only thing is... you won't be alive anymore. Not technically at least. But neither is Carnivale, so it would be OK.”

The little raven was thoughtful for a moment. “Do it. I wanna stay.”

Tragedy nodded, and a moment later, her heart had slowed down and stopped. “So does this mean you're my new mommy and daddy now?” Darling asked.

“Yes, it does. Welcome home, honey.”

*****

I was beyond delighted that Carnivale had taken such a liking to Darling. She had become a mom almost overnight, and played the part perfectly. It was bittersweet though, because while Darling called me Daddy, and acted like I really was, the three of us weren't a family together, and that tore at me deeply. I had been devastated to find out how the family I had entrusted with Darling's well being had treated her. That was when I had made the decision that she was going to move to the carnival where  I could watch out for her. I had called and informed Joe and Bella that I was in town, and sure enough, they had left her. It had taken everything I had in me to not hunt them both down and kill them for treating my darling Darling like that. I loved her more than anything, but sometimes, it became harder and harder to look at her. She was the spitting image of her mother, and that cut me to my core.

“Daddy!”

Darling came running to me, and I caught her mid air, swinging her around. “Yeah, baby-girl?”

“Did you see me playing with those kids? I made friends! They even gave me their phone numbers and everything!”

“Wow, honey, that's great!” I laughed, hugging her to me tightly.

“Daddy, you should have seen them when I told them who Mommy was! They thought she was my sister, 'cause she's so young and gorgeous. Edward, he's thirteen, he said you must be really lucky to have such a pretty woman as my mommy.”

I chuckled heartily. “Well, I certainly would be, but Mommy doesn't like me too much, does she?” I winked at her, tickling her sides.

“Nope. She thinks you're a meanie. Least that's what she says. But I know different.”

I looked at her curiously for a moment. “What do you mean, baby?”

Darling smiled wisely, patting my shoulder. “Don't worry, Daddy. Mommy loves you, even though she won't say so. I've seen the way she looks at you.”

I raised an eyebrow at her, and put a hand on my hip. “Oh yeah? And how's that?”

She was thoughtful a moment. “Like she wants to run into your arms. But she can't because she thinks she needs to stay mad at you forever. She may be able to fool you, but she can't fool me. I know how grown-ups are with each other. You look at her that way too, Daddy. Like you want to hug her forever and never let go.”

Her comment stunned me into momentary silence. Were my feelings really that obvious? “When did you get so smart, Missy?” I growled in my throat, swinging my precious little girl around.

“I'm not a baby anymore, Dad. I'm eleven years old, well kinda. And I watched Mommy's sappy movies.” She answered, giggling.

“Ah, so that's how, huh? Come on, we better bring you to Mommy, it's getting late, and she'll be making dinner for you soon.”

“Mommy, I'm home!” Darling chirped as she burst through the door.

“Hey, sweetie, did you have fun today?” Carnivale asked her as she leaned down to kiss her forehead.

“Oh, yeah! The most! Mom, can Daddy stay for dinner tonight, please?” She whined, begging her mother. Carnivale scowled at me, exhaling loudly. “Fine, I suppose so.”

I smiled weakly at her. “Do you need any help?” I offered.

“No, no, you sit down. Dinner will be ready in a moment.” She replied airily.

I sat down next to Darling, trying to think of the right thing to say. Imagine my surprise when Darling beat me to the punch!

“Mommy, did I ever tell you about my real family?”

Both Carnivale and I stopped to look at her. Was she really going to talk about this? To entrust Carnivale with her past? As far as I knew, she hadn't mentioned her life before the carnival to anyone, myself included, since she had arrived.

“No, baby, you haven't.” Carnivale murmured softly, sitting on our daughter's other side and petting her hair lovingly. “And you always seemed so sad when it was mentioned that I never wanted to ask.”

Darling took a deep breath. “My mom was beautiful. When I was little, I always thought she was an angel, cause she was the nicest lady you'd ever meet. She used to lay me down in my bed every night, and she'd sing to me, and tell me that someday, I'd be happier than I could ever dream.”

I reached out and grasped Darling's hand, her words hard to hear.

“My dad... well, he was a bad man. When I was six, he killed my mom. He tried to kill me and my big brother, too. My big brother was my hero. Every night he came to my room, and hugged me, and told me to be real quiet so Daddy wouldn't find us. He protected me. When Daddy tried to hurt me, my brother got real angry, and he killed Daddy, so that Daddy would never ever hurt us again. He didn't want to do it, I know, and he always thought he was bad because of it, but I never thought he was bad.”

I sat in a stunned silence, too shocked to form thoughts, much less a coherent response. All I could do was hold on to Darling's hand as tightly as I could.

“After that, my brother sent me away, because he had to disappear for a while. I missed him a lot. But it helped me to know that where ever he was, he missed me, too.”

“Oh, baby, you've been through so much! Is your brother still alive? Have you heard from him since?”

Darling nodded furiously. “Uh-huh! He got married to a gorgeous lady, who he loves lots and lots. They don't get along though, she gets mad at him a lot, but he still loves her more than anything he could ever dream of.”

I bit back the tears in my throat. If only Vale knew. If only she understood. There were so many things I had kept from her, and I wasn't sure she would ever forgive me if she found out what they were.

After dinner, I tucked Darling into bed and kissed her goodnight.

“So... Tragedy... What do you think about what Darling told us?” Carnivale murmured, abnormally quiet and sullen.

“I... it's sad. She's been through so much in her short life.”

“You already knew all of what she said though, didn't you?” It was a statement, not a question, and I had no choice but to nod my head silently.

“Why didn't you tell me?” She was hurt that I had kept my knowledge of Darling's past from her, and I could understand why, her baby was hurting and I didn't tell her why.

“I didn't think she would want me to. Her brother? He was my best friend. So Darling was always like a kid sister to me. When she came here though, she was so different. It hurt me to see her like that. She never mentioned her past, and I didn't want to bring it up. It hurt her to think about it. I know it did. It still does. It pains me to think about it, too. She was just a child, and for her to have seen so much sorrow? It's awful.”

*****

Carnivale



“Tragedy...” I breathed, and for the first time in a long time, I felt like I was seeing the old Tragedy, my Tragedy, who was sensitive and had a soul, instead of the monster I had come to know him as.

“Carnivale... my angel... why do you hate me so?” His face was filled with such sorrow that I couldn't help but tell him the truth.

“You hurt me, more than I can ever express. You pretended to love me, killed me, and then you tricked me into marrying you. How could I not be angry? All this time, I have fought to stay mad at you, to convince myself that you're a monster, but I... I sometimes find my anger faltering... and I don't know which scares me worse, the sheer force of my anger, or that it feels so forced.” I stared at the floor, refusing to look up at him. I heard him swear under his breath, then he was next to me, sweeping me up in his arms.

“Carnivale, darling, I never pretended to love you. That was more real than anything I could reach out and touch. That hasn't changed. You're my wife, and I adore you. You were special. I never married any of the others, only put them to work. You were always the only one I wanted to spend eternity with.”

The sobs that I had held inside for three long years now tore themselves from my worn throat, and tears began to roll earnestly down my face. He held me quietly, letting me sob into his shirt, pounding my fists against his chest violently. “Why can't I hate you?! Life would be so much easier if I didn't still care for you! Why do you make me care for you?!” Bawling in frustration, I collapsed against him, not pushing him away, not fighting him, simply giving in to his warmth and strength. His fingers were gentle as they tipped my chin up so green eyes met black ones. “Carnivale... I can't promise to tell you everything. I can't even promise I won't lie to you. But I can promise you that you mean everything to me. For three long years, I've wanted nothing more than for you to be my wife, for us to be a family, with Darling, to have more children, to raise them and be happy. You always seemed so furious with me. But still I held out hope. I've been waiting for you, and you alone. Give me a second chance?”

I was silent a moment. “I can try. Please don't make me stupid for believing you a second time, Tragedy.”

“Carnivale....” He murmured, and then his lips were on mine, the salt from my tears mingling with our lips. I kissed him back eagerly, wanting desperately to, for at least one night, abandon all common sense, all reason, and just trust the one person I had always loved. I could hate myself in the morning, but tonight, I just couldn't say no.